Translation by CATS

I bought a cheapo wireless mouse at Wal-Mart today. No word on whether it will actually work or not -- it's got rechargeable batteries which need to charge for 12 hours before I use it for the first time. So I'm still waiting.

But it did provide me with an expected gift: the glorious User Manual*, which is a delight rarely experienced. My joy at English travesties in official settings is well-documented, and this little scrap of paper brings the goods like few others.

(*I say "User Manual" because they do, but it's really just a scrap of paper.)

Thank you for selecting this product! Your RF Wireless Rechargeable Optical Mouse uses a newly developed RF wireless technology 27MHz that replaces the traditional wired mouse. The receiver also can be used as a charger. So you need not worry about your battery will use out

And no, I didn't forget the period on the end of that sentence. They did.

The whole thing is written like this, you understand. Like the battery instructions -- or, rather, THE STEPS OF INSTALL BATTERY, which ask you to "Please prepare for two PCS new AAA (600mAH/1.2V) chargeable batteries".

I love this manual.

PRODUCT FEATURES
1.Radio frequency 27MHz,enjoy your freely wireless space
2.It has 256ID code, there is no interference even many mice being used at the same time
3.Automatically sleeping and manpower taking off dual functions, the battery life be prolonged

Seriously, what the fuck does #3 mean?

But the manual, in addition to being informative, is also helpful. For instance, in the section headed ATTENTION PLEASE, it suggests a way to preserve battery power: "You would better use the mouse on the white desk. In this way the batteries can used for a long time." Also, "The optical mouse will not work freely on so smooth desk, glass and any reflecting surface." But don't worry, "No need to check the digital connection within 10 seconds when change the batteries, if more than that please according to the above way to re-operate."

It's nice to know those Zero Wing translators can still find work.