Jon Miller is a sad, pathetic man

So, this is pretty funny.



But what's up with Jon Miller name-dropping 9/11 for no real reason whatsoever? Is he doing a Bush stump speech? The motherfucker can't throw out the first pitch without somebody mentioning it?

That is all.

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Now playing: Beth Kinderman - Hannibal Lecter
via FoxyTunes

Haven't posted one of these in a while

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Now playing: Harvey Danger - Why I'm Lonely
via FoxyTunes

The self-fulfilling prophecy

Before I head off to work, one quick thing: Bush has apparently decided that he will follow the advice of General Petraeus and start withdrawing troops next year. Before you get too excited, he's only talking about bringing home 30,000 of them...which would bring us back to the level prior to the idiotic "surge" put into effect earlier this year.

And it's a big shock Bush is following Petraeus's advice, let me tell you. Especially considering Bush was saying the same things Petraeus said before Petraeus said it to Congress. And the White House wrote the friggin' report anyway. And furthermore, everything Petraeus said was bullshit to begin with.

How much longer until January 2009?

Exactly

The Democrats should hire Olbermann as a speechwriter.

And he's right -- you can't tell me that Libby didn't know his sentence was going to be commuted long before he was even convicted. This is like watching one of those Steve Austin-Dude Love wrestling matches from 1998, where Vince McMahon would have a biased referee working the match, so Dude could break the rules all he wanted and not get punished for it.

I hate you, George W. Bush. Just saying you're the worst president to ever take the oath is no longer sufficient -- you've done more damage to the integrity of the White House than any one who has ever set foot there before you, and that includes the British soldiers who burned it down.

I wish there was something more I could do, something I could say other than fuck you, but there isn't. I just have to sit here in my rage and stew, as I've been stewing for over six years. Every time I think you can't sink any lower, every time I think you can't possibly do anything more reptilian and grotesque, you prove me wrong. Part of me is sickly curious and what you could do next to top this. Do a press conference where Laura arrives with missing teeth and a suspicious black eye? Dick-slap Hillary Clinton? Set fire to the White House yourself?

Like I said, I wish there was something more I could say than fuck you, but it wouldn't matter anyway. You wouldn't listen. Just like the drunken redneck you are, you aren't exactly open to constructive criticism.

In Harlan Ellison's original script for the superlative Star Trek episode "The City on the Edge of Forever," the villain screws around with time once too often, and gets trapped in the worst time loop imaginable. He's doomed to spend eternity repeating the same six seconds over and over...in the middle of a supernova. Over and over and over again, for all of time.

May something like that happen to you, President Fuckwad.

I wish I could hate you to death.

It occurred to me

I had to go to court to take care of a traffic ticket last week. Nothing major, just had to show the judge the paper that said I'd gotten my car inspected, and that was that.

But while I was waiting to pay my court costs ($15 -- it's gone up in the last two years) and get the hell out of there, I watched some guy's trial. He was cited for criminal mischief and was pleading not guilty.

The story itself is rather boring, revealed by the judge's "I will chew off my own arm to get out of here" expression during the entire six-minute proceedings. The kid allegedly set off a fire extinguisher, a lady called the cops, they wrote the kid a ticket. But nobody actually saw him do anything, so the judge dismissed the charges and everybody went home.

So why am I relating this story? One thing occurred to me. Before this little "trial" began, I saw an interesting sight: all three witnesses (the two cops and the lady who called them) stood before the judge.

"Okay," he said. "Raise your right hands."

They did so.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

They agreed to do so.

"Okay, let's do this," the judge said.

Yes. A kid was written a ticket for setting off a fire extinguisher, and three people were sworn in under oath.

Meanwhile, eight US Federal Attorneys were fired for grossly political reasons, the entire Justice Department has been subverted to become the strong arm of the Bush Administration, every word the GOP has uttered in response to the scandal has been abruptly proven false, and the President refuses to allow two of the principals to testify under oath. Or even in public. Or let them be recorded. Or even transcribed.

Like I said, it occurred to me.

In other news, doctors say that cancer may lead to health problems

So, you're never going to believe this, but Guns N' Roses -- who are touring to support that new album of theirs, the one Axl's been making for a decade, and it's coming out just any day now, this year, no really, I mean it, 2006, no later, absolutely, you got it, for serious -- cancelled a show last night:

Monday night's show at the Cumberland County Civic Center has been cancelled due to limitations imposed by local fire marshals.

A band spokesperson commented, "Axl and the band are very unhappy about not being able to play for the fans in Portland but have been advised after several meetings with local fire marshals Nelson Collins and Bob Cadigan that they have made it impossible for the band to perform their show to the usual high standards that their fans deserve.

"More importantly, we have been informed that officials intend to enforce rules and regulations that should not and do not apply in this venue. Our production manager and crew have been in this building with Clay Aiken and Green Day and none of the restrictions imposed on Guns N’ Roses were experienced by those artists...."

And I know that it had to be for a really good reason. I mean, those vicious fire marshalls! Damn them and their puritanical insistence on treating a Clay Aiken concert differently than a Guns N' Roses show! I bet Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond don't have to put up with the same kind of crap Axl does, either! He's so misunderstood!

I remember back in 1992, Metallica and Guns N' Roses were touring together. At one stop in Montreal, both bands cut their sets short, leading to a rather decent-sized riot.

See, Axl had a sore throat. And his monitors weren't working all that well. So, obviously, you should just stroll off stage, right? I mean, what else is he supposed to do? Keep playing?

Metallica's monitors were working just fine. But they just didn't the point in continuing the show after their lead singer was swallowed by fire. Those Metallica boys -- such wusses!

Speaking of stupid people and fire, Donald Rumsfeld was quite unceremoniously dispatched yesterday. Of course, the Emperor of Ice-Cream, at his press conference yesterday, pretty much said he'd been planning to do this anyway, it had nothing to do with the "thumpin'" the Republicans took in the midterms. And this (obviously, and nobody can be surprised by this kind of crap from Bush anymore) directly contradicts what he'd been saying before the election: he swore up and down that he was keeping Rummy, he wasn't going anywhere, not for two years, no sir! Which forced Republican nominees to defend Rumsfeld, which probably hurt them in the voting. Good job, Jackass! You're ruined the country, now you've ruined your own party! What's next? Your religion?

Oh, and why did he lie? Why he did tell people he wasn't going to get rid of Rumsfeld, when he knew that he was? Why? Because he wanted to use Rumsfeld like a sacrifical lamb to the masses in the event the GOP got their asses kicked, to make it look like he was willing to compromise?

Well, yeah, Georgie. But what did he say was the reason?

He didn't want to influence the election.

*sigh*

He's not even trying anymore, is he?

(And did I set some sort of record for sarcastic italics is this post, or what?)