"Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!"

From Pajiba: the "Other" 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time.

Good luck getting this song out of your head

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending to know what this is. So I leave to you without commentary.

I'm so there I'm already in the front row

Watchmen watch

I am filled with both anticipation and dread in equal amounts

It...it just can't be bad, right?



We'll find out just over a month, won't we?

I love the internet

Ask not for whom the bell tolls

Bobby Fischer. Heath Ledger. Roy Scheider. Anthony Minghella. Sydney Pollack. Bo Diddley. Jim McKay. Tim Russert. Stan Winston. George Carlin. Don S. Davis, the guy who played Scully's father and the commander on Stargate SG-1.

Then, yesterday, Bernie Mac.

Today: Isaac Hayes.

Damn.

A tough year.

Arcade Fire and David Bowie say it better than I do.

I guess we'll just have to adjust....



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Now playing: Oasis - The Girl in the Dirty Shirt
via FoxyTunes

The takeover, the break's over

Been awhile. But I'm back. And of course, it's with rage and righteous indignation.

How dare you.



Screw up The Day the Earth Stood Still, and there will be hell to pay. There will be retribution. There will be blood.

Hear me?

In other trailer news, have you see the Watchmen trailer? No? Then here you go. If you have, then watch it again. You know you want to:



That's what I'm talking about. (Ignore the idiot who inserts himself after the trailer, by the way. Jerkass.)

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Now playing: Jay-Z - Takeover
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A violent argument erupts over whose day was more pleasant

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Now playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Your New Twin Sized Bed
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Quien era el mas poderoso

Hi there. How ya doin'? Good? Good. I've got something interesting to share with you. Most reading this probably already know it, but it's good to say it once in a while, so you remember who you're dealing with. Here we go.

I liked Lady in the Water.

Now. I'm not going to try to convince you that it was a good movie -- gods, no. It was downright terrible: poorly written, badly acted, and plodded forward like a sloth on Robitussin. It deserved its critical thrashing, and it deserved its Razzie nomination for Worst Picture. And yet...I liked it anyway.

Why? Because of M. Night Shyamalan.


There's something about the way he makes his movies that connects with me. Is it a dorky film geek thing? Of course it is: Unbreakable is one of my favorite movies ever, and it ain't because of its airtight screenplay. The Village -- which I will tell you was a good movie, and have said so before -- worked because of his tense camerawork and built-up atmosphere. I just love watching the guy work.

But I have drawn a line in the sand here, dude: I will not watch The Happening. No, sir.

The trailer itself -- which I won't bother to post, because I'm sure you've seen it already -- looks like nothing more than a silly self-parody. In fact, if I were making a YouTube video, a mock trailer to skewer his style, that's exactly what it would look like. False tension, overbearing score, and laughably vague dialogue: "There appears to be some kind of event happening!" is exactly what I'd write.

Mr. Shyamalan has long been painted as a egotist, and it's hard not to buy it. And it gets even easier after reading his recent interview with CNN.com, which comes across as downright delusional in the wake of The Happening's paltry box office and flat-out virulent reviews. It's sad to see a filmmaker I respected so very, very much falling so very, very far. And hard.

Here's my favorite part of the interview: he not only claims The Happening is a B-movie, but declares it "the best B movie you will ever see." I really don't think Night understands what a B movie entails, do you?

But hey: I could be wrong. I am condemning his film without seeing it, which is something I don't like doing. I'll tell you what -- you go watch the movie and get back to me.

I'll wait.

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That's one of the best casts I've ever seen

There is no one is this trailer I don't love. Plus the Coen brothers? Oh, I am so there.



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Now playing: The Tragically Hip - Blow at High Dough
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I've been saying some of this stuff for years

Particularly that stuff about Arlington Road.

It's the 5 Most Needlessly Complex Terror Plots in Film History, courtesy of Cracked. It's good stuff.

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Now playing: The Decemberists - The Tain
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The cake is a lie

So, the last few days have been good as far as life goes. If by "life," I mean "the world of movies, music, books, and video games, which I hold up as a shiny fireworks display to distract from my miasmatic personal life," then yeah, it's been good.

Friday -- Iron Man. A fantastic film, and one of the better comic book movies. You should definitely see it if you haven't already, and it wouldn't hurt to see it again if you have.

Saturday -- the Usual Suspects dropped by for what has become a weekly event: a combination of Rock Band and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Fortunately, I have many episodes of the program on DVD -- this week, I believe our feature will be Monster A Go-Go. You guys thought Girl in Gold Boots was bad? Oh, you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

Sunday -- I caught up on last week's House (good), several old episodes of Corner Gas I had cluttering my DVR (very good), and the last few episodes of Scrubs (spotty). I also watched a few of the South Park episodes that had begun to accumulate, and I have to ask: are Matt and Trey completely out of ideas? Because every episode this season has just been a rehashing of an old movie. I know they do that a lot, and it's fine, but this season already we've had The Lottery, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Grapes of Wrath, Stand and Deliver, and frickin' Heavy Metal.

Monday -- I (finally!) picked up the Orange Box for the PS3, and got to play Portal for the first time. Six hours later, of course, I was finished, but I was well-satisfied with my purchase. And as much as I love playing "Still Alive" in Rock Band, it's a billion times funnier in context. And now I'll finally get to play Half-Life 2's Episodes 1 and 2! And play Half-Life 2 again! (You remember how enthralled with the game I was the first time.)

Today -- I finished reading Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, which is easily one of the ten best books I've ever read. Then I returned home to find that Trent Reznor has decided to release the new Nine Inch Nails album, The Slip, totally for free.

Ah: good times.

I also must now fulfill a promise, and offer thanks to my Pizza Place co-worker Al, who stayed for an extra few minutes the other day to help me out while I was closing. He also read this blog -- all of it, apparently. A truly Herculean endeavor, sir. Thanks.

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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Head Down
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MUST. SEE. THIS. MOVIE. LIFE. DEPENDS. ON IT.

How much longer until July 18th? TOO DAMN LONG, that's how long.

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Now playing: Genesis - The Colony of Slippermen (The Arrival/A Visit to the Doktor/Raven)
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Even when it's approaching torture, I've got my routine

René said I should start posting here regularly again, even if it is just a YouTube video or something. So here you go -- I love recut trailers.



In case you don't get it, it's an homage to another trailer -- my favorite trailer ever, actually.



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Now playing: Serj Tankian - Empty Walls
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Legos + Eddie Izzard = Genius

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Now playing: Harvey Danger - Terminal Annex
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Awwwwww

After years of trying, it seems that the programmers at Pixar have finally found the exact sequence of ones and zeros to represent the human quality of "cute," and reproduce it perfectly. To wit, the cutest goddamn thing I've ever seen:



I'll have to take my inner child to see that.

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Now playing: Van Morrison - Cyprus Avenue
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Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

I forgot to write about it last week, but the gang and I saw U2 3D on Wednesday. If this could become a regular-type event -- Metallica 3D! Dave Matthews Band 3D! Hell, Regina Spektor 3D! -- I would fully support that and pay for them gladly. The 3D effects were gorgeous -- they made Captain Eo look like Burned. And the camera work itself is spectacular, giving all sorts of views and angles you'd never see, even in other concert films. (The bird's-eye view of the drumkit, in particular, was quite good.)

The problem with the thing, it turns out, is U2. Now, don't get me wrong: I love U2. And watching them play on the big screen is incredible, and certainly far cheaper than buying a ticket and going to a show myself. They're so ubiquitous on the radio, taking over both contemporary and classic stations, that their music becomes almost pop culture wallpaper at times, and the film is a reminder of just how great songs like "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and "One" really are. And these four guys have lost none of their chops as musicians -- one can't walk away from this without thinking very highly of the Edge, whose contributions are highlighted.

But all of the U2 is weighed down by, well, all of the U2!!! With all those great songs comes a great big sack of showy, pompous theatrics. This isn't an intimate evening with the group -- they're not an intimate band, and the big lights and cheese wear pretty thin over an hour and a half. I mean, I guess I can excuse Bono poking his hand at the camera once in a while -- it is 3D, let 'em show off -- but I'm not sure I needed Adam Clayton's bass neck thrust at me every few minutes. And then there's the goofiness of the concert itself: "Bullet the Blue Sky" features Bono blindfolding himself, stumbling around the stage, and setting off an incendiary. If it's supposed to be anything other than corny and stupid, I missed it. And though it looked rather impressive, the avalanche of superimposed words and phrases that covered "The Fly" came off more unintentionally comic that anything else.

And then there's the baffling set list -- they played "Yahweh," but not "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"? "Love and Peace or Else," but not "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of"? "Miss Sarajevo"?!

All in all, a positive (if frustrating) experience. If you get a chance, check it out. If nothing else, you'll get to keep your 3D glasses for whenever the next one comes around -- I'm voting for Radiohead 3D. That would be trippy.



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Now playing: U2 - The Fly
via FoxyTunes

Be Kind Rewind (review...not really)

In thinking about Be Kind Rewind, the new Mos Def/Jack Black comedy, I find myself in a conundrum. I loved the film's premise. I liked the visuals. And I adored the emotional resonance director Michel Gondry found in the amateurish, homemade film making. But the movie itself was overlong and narratively confused, often unfunny, and pretty boring. Thumbs in the middle, I guess?

Anyone familiar with my -- ahem -- "filmography" might see some similarities in the mini-movies found in Be Kind. Imagine if we'd shot Atom Smashers 3: The Return of the Noble Gas in its entirety, with a straight face: that's what happens to several classic films here, as a ludicrous accident wipes out the entire library of a small video store and its proprietors are forced to make their own stock to appease their customers. Those customers, of course, love the charming remakes, and more movies are demanded.

And it's important to that emotional resonance to understand why they love the remakes. It's not that they're too stupid to see the difference between them and Hollywood films, or that Hollywood films are so awful that the difference is minimal -- Gondry thankfully avoids either of those missteps. And it certainly isn't because they manage to duplicate the technical wizardry of the originals. The "swedes" (their term for the remakes) are enjoyable precisely because they lack that technical wizardry -- the lack of skill and resources make the film making process itself undeniably fun. And as the swedes grow more popular, and more and more people from the community join in to make them, the films become intensely communal. Their enjoyment is only partly from the film itself -- the rest is reminiscing on the fun one had making it. And that's the part of Be Kind Rewind that got to me.

Yes, I still think Shades 0 is funny on its own...but I really love it because of how much fun it was to shoot. I could describe "Sixteenth Specimen" as "rancid, incompetent crap" (and would be generous in doing so), but I still love watching it. I still have a video of a "wrestling" match between Stephen and me that I could watch for days -- you think because of the skillful wrestling? Hardly. In its sweded mini-movies, Be Kind Rewind celebrates the very art of filmmaking, and how much fun the simple act of, well, acting can be.

Which filled me with joy, and nostalgia. And, well, guilt. I thought of the movies we made -- and of the movies we didn't make. There were lots and lots of ideas, of course. But none of them got off the ground because of...me. My steadfast insistence on quality and competence. And why? I mean, it's not like Exposure (who remembers Exposure? anyone?) was going to Sundance. We weren't competing for friggin' Oscars here -- I tricked myself into thinking I was Orson Welles and gave up on too many ideas simply because they wouldn't have been perfect.

Unfortunately, the actual movie of Be Kind Rewind isn't that successful. It takes far too long to get to its point, and the rest of it is weighed down by a hokey plot ripped off from, oh, I don't know, forty movies off the top of my head ("If we don't raise [amount of money] by [arbitrary deadline], the city is going to demolish our old but charming building that has important historical relevance to the community!"). But I'll be damned if the final scene isn't a wonder, as the entire town gathers to watch the final sweded film -- an original, no less, finished mere moments before screening.

That's not much a review, I know. But, honestly, Be Kind Rewind isn't that much of a movie. I certainly don't recommend anyone actually go out and see it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's been too long since I've watched Shades 0 again.

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Now playing: Oasis - D'You Know What I Mean?
via FoxyTunes

Jumping off the board without checking for water: I predict the Oscars

It's been well-established that I am remarkably dense when it comes to predicting anything, especially the Academy Awards. But what the hell? I like doing it. On Sunday, we'll see just how incompetent I really am. Plus, this gives me a chance to bitch about some of the snubbed non-nominees -- though really, the Academy did an awesome job this year. This is the first time I can remember that I didn't have a problem with any of the Best Picture nominees.

On with it!

Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men (will win)
There Will Be Blood (should win)

The Academy screwed over Fargo, and everyone remembers. The Coens' return to form is a perfect place to make up for it. Too bad for P.T.A., but I don't hold any illusions that he'll ever win anything. He's just too fucking weird.

Where the fuck is... Zodiac. It feels like that came out three years ago, but it was only March. Too long, I guess, for the Academy.

Best Director
Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood (should win)
Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men (will win)
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Jason Reitman, Juno
Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

See previous statements regarding the Coens and Paul Thomas Anderson.

Where the fuck is... Joe Wright, Atonement. Seriously -- what the hell? Did you guys watch the same movie I did? Did you get up and go to the bathroom during that scene in Dunkirk? The first truly depressing missed nomination.

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away from Her (will win)
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno (should win)

Ellen Page is wondrous as Juno's title character and deserves the win, but I wouldn't worry: judging from her work to date, this won't be her last invitation to the dance. Julie Christie is racking up every precursor award in sight, and the Academy won't disagree with the crowd.

Where the fuck is... Keira Knightley, Atonement. Though, really, I'm fine with the list as-is.

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood (will win) (should win)
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

Blood is a mean, savage character study of a mean, savage man, and Daniel Day-Lewis practically sets the theater on fire with his intensity. The baptism scene -- "I abandoned my child!" -- is flat-out mesmerizing. One of the greatest screen performances. Ever.

Where the fuck is... James McAvoy, Atonement. That's two truly depressing snubs. There are more, of course.

Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster (will win)
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement (should win)
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Where the fuck is... Imelda Staunton, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She managed to be scarier than all the other villains combined -- such a dark, murky film, and the greatest terror of all hides behind fluffy kittens and a pink sweater.

Best Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men (will win) (should win)
Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild
Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

Oooh, this is a tough one, as Bardem, Hoffman, and (especially) Wilkinson are terrific. But Bardem owns No Country; it's him you remember after the credits roll.

Where the fuck is... Paul Dano, There Will Be Blood. It would take a miraculous effort indeed to stand up to Daniel Day-Lewis's inferno, and Dano does that and more. Depressing snub number three, and this one really hurts.

Best Original Screenplay
Juno (will win)
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton (should win)
Ratatouille
The Savages

The script for Juno is a gem, though it is overly cute once in a while ("homeskillet"?). Michael Clayton is the real winner here, for its crackling dialogue and genius structure.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Atonement
Away from Her
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
No Country for Old Men (will win) (should win)
There Will Be Blood

Blood is a thunderous motion picture, but its true power lies in its visuals and performances. From what I understand, the script for No Country is lifted practically word-for-word from Cormac McCarthy's novel, and it works in spades.

Where the fuck is... Charlie Wilson's War. But then, I'm an Aaron Sorkin mark, as I've previously discussed.

Those are the important awards, anyway. I'll be back tomorrow with the rest of them.