Friday, October 16, 2009

Glenn Beck Is a Damn Lunatic

In other shocking news, the sun set this evening.

Seriously, though, I've never so badly in my life felt the urge to grab a YouTube video by its lapels and shout into its face, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

Really, now. Any idea what that meant? What that old Coca-Cola commercial had to do with anything? Does he honestly believe that the American life we need to get back to can be found in a goddamn advertisement? Not a fan of Mad Men, I take it, Glenn?

To answer your question, though: No, I don't remember what it was like in a "simpler" America. I grew up in the Reagan '80s. Surging poverty, crack cocaine explosion, crime up, our government illegally funding terrorists, the constant threat of nuclear annihilation. And before that, before I was born, what? Watergate? Vietnam? The Kennedy assassination? Segregation? The Great Depression? When the hell was this "simpler" time, you unbelievable horse's ass?

And don't even get me started on that insanely labored -- and laboriously insane -- party metaphor. Who were the "bad" kids taking us to this party? The Democrats? They haven't taken us anywhere, last I checked. And what fucking party is this at which we've stayed too late? I think he was trying to draw a verbal political cartoon but got lost into his own bullshit. So he cried. (And these were especially fake tears, Glenn, even for you.)

Someone commit this man before he hurts himself or someone else. Or, more likely, someone hurts him.


  1. Anonymous6:17 PM

    Ah yes, what I refer to as the "Mayberry fallacy," after this song, which pines for the return to a fictional past where everything was somehow "simpler."

  2. Nirvana had a song called "Floyd the Barber," wherein the protagonist stops by Floyd's shop for a haircut and a shave, and instead he is tied to the chair and murdered.

    That's what I think of whenever someone says "Mayberry."