Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sirent Hirl (and stuff)

So, if you're wondering why I haven't updated more often, the reasons are twofold:

1. I hate you.
2. I hate you. Bitch.

Actually, the reasons are more along the lines of:

1. I've been working every day.
2. internet connection (which is totally above-board and completely legal, shhh) has been rather sporadic in the last few weeks.

And not a whole lot has been going on. Trebor and I have been working every bloody day for the last few months (since we've moved here, I've had two days off; he's had three). Really, there hasn't been anything to talk about. "Today, I had Beef Top Ramen noodles. I enjoyed them more than yesterday's Chicken Top Ramen noodles...though I'm not sure why, since the only difference seems to be that the beef broth is brown and the chicken broth leaves this thick yellow residue on the bowl that is difficult to clean. Tomorrow, I hope to mix it up a little bit and having a couple of frozen burriots. Go 'Stros."

Captivating reading, that is.

I should change the countdown over there, since Silent Hill has already arrived and stuff, but the internet connection is rarely stable enough to let me search for pictures.

Silent Hill: It's the best video game movie ever made. But since the rest of the competition is Resident Evil, Tomb Raider, Doom, Alone in the Dark, and fucking Super Mario Bros., this isn't exactly orgasmic praise. The writer and director do an absolutely awesome job capturing the look, feel, and emotion of the series, right down to the ever-present air of dread that never goes away -- and I think they should be given a medal for having the respect for the source material to take it seriously. (Which they do -- this movie looks exactly like the first game, even a few sequences ripped shot-for-shot. They even spend some time focusing on maps and street names just to show off for the fans: "See! The Brookhaven Hospital map! We totally played this game!" Lisa, the tragic nurse, has a cameo, though in a much different role than than she had in the game. And hell, the end credits run under the same song that was used for the credits of Silent Hill 3. The effort is greatly appreciated.)

Here's the problem: whenever the air raid siren goes off and the walls start peeling, Silent Hill is a masterpiece of terror and sickening horror. It's rare that a horror movie actually scares me, but there were at least two moments in the film that did it. Much like the games, the trips into Evil Silent Hill given the filmmakers completely free reign to dip deep into surrealism and throw whatever sick shit they can think of at the characters. (Some of it is taken from the games, like -- hell yeah -- Pyramid Head, who needed a much bigger role; some of it is original to the film, and truly disturbing stuff.) And when in White Silent Hill, the film does remain mildly entertaining, and we get a much-needed breather from the intense stuff. (Though the film does stop dead in its tracks for about ten minutes, toward the end, to try to explain the plot with a long, long, long grainy flashback. It wasn't necessary, guys.)

But whenever we cut away from Silent Hill and the camera focuses on Sean Bean, it's death on celluloid. His role is completely original to the movie, and in fact was only added as an afterthought when the filmmakers realized there were no men in the movie. (No, really.) His plot is boring, goes absolutely nowhere, and saps the tension from the actual story. Not to mention that it feels added on -- he has no scenes with any of the main characters, and bears no influence at all to the plot. You can practically see where his character has been stapled and duct-taped on top of the good parts.

Call it ***. Is it possible I'm scoring it higher than it deserves because I'm a huge Silent Hill mark and I'm just glad they didn't completely fuck it up? Fer sure. But who cares?

That's all for now. In the meantime, should you care, I've finally managed to start working to the next episode of Revolver, so my next post should be announcing its arrival.

War Beef Top Ramen noodles. And go 'Stros.

(Oh, my new e-mail address is If you need to e-mail me. No promises when I be able to read it, though.)

Friday, April 07, 2006

I'm not dead...

...despite all outward appearances.

So, yeah. I have moved. Out of the den of hell, into a much nicer place. The downside, though, is that Verizon doesn't offer DSL service out here. And I cancelled my AOL. So I've been without internet access for a little over month now. Hence, the lack of updates to...well, anything.

(In case you're wondering how I'm online right now: someone near me has wireless internet access. So I'm hacking in and stealing it. Shhh.)

I'll be back with more tomorrow, assuming I can sign on. If not, it'll be later.

Peace on you.