And the winner is Hov

So Job Number Two held an Employee -- err, sorry, Team Member Appreciation Breakfast this morning. Just a little get-together by management to show their appreciation for all of our hard work. At eight-thirty on Saturday morning. Attendance to which was mandatory.

I certainly feel appreciated.

They baited the hook by offering us breakfast, which turned out to be a not-that-bad spread of typical breakfast foods. They then gave away prizes by the most contrived process imaginable: they hired some people to run a faux casino in the dining room, handed us five thousand dollars in chips, and told us that every thousand we ended with would be worth one ticket in a raffle to win various prizes. The prizes themselves ranged from lame (some kind of party tray thing) to "would be awesome if I didn't already have one" (an iPod, a digital camera). I finished a thousand dollars up at the blackjack table, tossed all of my tickets into the raffle for a $50 Best Buy gift card, and didn't win.

Before handing out awards, our General Manager told us that it wasn't even their idea to have this party, or to serve us breakfast. "That came from the home office," he said. I'm still not sure why he thought it was a good idea to tell us that.

But then -- awards. First, a few gag awards: the type of high-school-level, inside joke, "Everyone is laughing at you but you shouldn't be mad because we're giving you a shitty joke prize" award that the band used to give out at the band banquet every year. Oddly enough, the recipient of Team Member Most Likely to Have a Breakdown at Work didn't seem too pleased with her certificate and prize (a bottle of Tylenol).

After the "funny" "awards" were done, the managers then moved on to Team Member of the Year awards, one for each department: Servers, Cooks, Hosts.

Oh, and what's this? The Takeout/Delivery department has an award, too? And who might the Takeout Team Member of the Year be?

I've never won anything before. Well, that's not true -- I won a classroom spelling bee in second grade. I won a school-wide geography bee in fifth grade. I won various inexplicable accolades from the Business Professionals of America in my senior year in high school. And now, to that stunning collection of achievements, I can add my certificate for Takeout Team Member of the Year.

All the managers signed it. My name is written on it in purple ink, and -- thank the Prophets -- my name is spelled correctly.

In addition to the certificate, I also received a fifty dollar gift card for...a sandwich place I don't particularly care for.

Feel the love.

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