AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

There is no God.

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Now playing: The New Pornographers - Testament to Youth in Verse
via FoxyTunes

O Canada!

I don't know why, but I have a love affair with Canada. All things Canadian seem to connect with me on some deep level.

Such as:

• The Tragically Hip.
• The Barenaked Ladies.
• Arcade Fire.
• Our Lady Peace.
• Joni Mitchell.
• Leonard Cohen.
  
• The Kids in the Hall.
• Corner Gas.
• Rush.
• My favorite pro wrestlers growing up were all Canadian: Bret and Owen Hart, Chris Jericho, and He Who Shall Not Be Named.
• The first five seasons (read: the watchable seasons) of The X-Files were filmed there.
• So is the new Battlestar Galactica.
• The entire cast of SCTV.
• James Cameron, who was one of my favorite filmmakers until Titanic -- he's Canadian.
• And so on.

Those are just the ones off the top of my head. I've found a new Canadian band to love: the New Pornographers, whose "The Electric Version" has become one of my favorite Rock Band songs. The album of the same name is great, too.

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Now playing: The New Pornographers - All for Swinging You Around
via FoxyTunes

Trust me: you're completely dead

Time to face facts.

Actually, no -- the time to face facts was about a month ago.

Hillary Clinton has lost. It's over. Not even her precious Superdelegates are staying -- scurrying to Obama's camp like rats off a sinking ship.

Please go away. Please?

Pretty please?

You're turning the Democratic party into a joke. You're hurting our chances to beat McCain in November. And you're turning yourself in a laughingstock. Just stop, okay?

Please. Because after Tuesday night, your campaign looked a lot like this:



Don't delude yourself -- and try to delude us -- into thinking that if you just win West Virginia, you'll be back in it. You're not in it. It's over.

I beseech you, Hillary. Go away.

Forever.

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Now playing: Elvis Costello - I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down
via FoxyTunes

You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

My love for Weezer is not unconditional.

Rivers Cuomo has a singular talent for writing self-deprecating songs that nevertheless explode with Marshall-stacked power pop sound -- fist-pumping sing-alongs about loneliness and longing. Their first album, colloquially referred to as "the blue album," showed that off to considerable success: "Buddy Holly" and "Say It Ain't So" are just as popular today as they were fourteen (!!) years ago, and the blue album remains one of my favorites. Cuomo sang about surfing to work, playing Dungeons & Dragons in his garage, and the agony of sweater destruction, turning idiosyncrasies into outcast anthems. Millions of high school freshmen found their kindred spirit.

Weezer's next album, Pinkerton, improved upon the blue album in every respect -- it's one of the most raw, confessional records ever recorded. (Pitchfork, while naming it one of the best albums of the '90s, called it "the catchiest LiveJournal blog [we've] ever heard.") And it isn't just raw in emotion, but in sound, too: Pinkerton is infamously underproduced, packed with feedback, screeching and off-key backing vocals. The shaky sound adds urgency to the desperation of the songs, which all ache with that same loneliness and longing. But this time, Cuomo made his lyrics fiercely personal: "El Scorcho," one of the greatest unrequited love songs ever written, burns with intimate details. "Goddamn, you half-Japanese girls do it to me every time/And the redhead said you shred the cello, and I'm Jell-O, baby," he sings to the object of his affection. "Across the Sea" is an even more personal story, inspired by a fan's letter: "They don't make stationery like this where I'm from/So fragile, so refined/So I sniff and I lick your envelope/And fall to little pieces every time/I wonder what clothes you wear to school/I wonder how you decorate your room/I wonder how you touch yourself/And curse myself for being across the sea."

Sure, one might think that such specifics would make it harder for the listener to relate to the songs, but really, that frankness makes it easier to relate -- rather than giving vague, clichéd platitudes, Cuomo tells you exactly what he's going through, drawing you in. I've never longed for an eighteen-year-old Japanese girl who wrote me a letter about my music, but I have felt a disconnect from all of the people around me, and sought desperately for someone to connect with...and found just as much success as Rivers does in "Across the Sea."

But Pinkerton failed, both commercially and critically. (At the time, anyway -- critics and fans have since discovered the album again, with Rolling Stone even giving it a new five-star review.) And when Weezer returned with another self-titled album five years later, something had changed. Those frank details were replaced with...vague, clichéd platitudes. Songs like Pinkerton's "Pink Triangle" -- an achingly sad but funny tale about falling in love with a girl, only to discover "I'm dumb/She's a lesbian!" -- were nowhere to be found. The green album wasn't a total waste -- Rivers still has his gift for pop songcraft, of course -- but it felt like a letdown.

And it didn't get any better with Maladroit. And in 2005, they released Make Believe, an almost entirely forgettable waste of time. So, as I said, my love for Weezer is far from unconditional.

But this morning, I heard their new single for the first time. And while I don't like to give in to hyperbole, "Pork and Beans" may just be the best song they've recorded since 1996. Here, have a listen:



The new album -- which we're calling "the red album," apparently -- comes out next month.

I await it eagerly.

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Now playing: Weezer - Pork and Beans
via FoxyTunes

I've been saying some of this stuff for years

Particularly that stuff about Arlington Road.

It's the 5 Most Needlessly Complex Terror Plots in Film History, courtesy of Cracked. It's good stuff.

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Now playing: The Decemberists - The Tain
via FoxyTunes

A few notes

I've decided on the name of the next Revolver episode: "Hey Jealousy." It works on a few levels, as you'll see. (Assuming the title remains the same. Which it probably won't. You know how it goes.)

I've also resumed posts at A Great Disservice, if you hadn't noticed.

And now I see that there are new things on each post here: a place to give star ratings for my posts. I didn't ask for this. I don't know why it's there. But it's there. You can rate my posts if you want. I certainly won't mind. If the ratings are good, anyway. Never mind. It's gone now. What the hell?

And then here: watch this.



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Now playing: Gin Blossoms - Hey Jealousy
via FoxyTunes

The cake is a lie

So, the last few days have been good as far as life goes. If by "life," I mean "the world of movies, music, books, and video games, which I hold up as a shiny fireworks display to distract from my miasmatic personal life," then yeah, it's been good.

Friday -- Iron Man. A fantastic film, and one of the better comic book movies. You should definitely see it if you haven't already, and it wouldn't hurt to see it again if you have.

Saturday -- the Usual Suspects dropped by for what has become a weekly event: a combination of Rock Band and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Fortunately, I have many episodes of the program on DVD -- this week, I believe our feature will be Monster A Go-Go. You guys thought Girl in Gold Boots was bad? Oh, you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

Sunday -- I caught up on last week's House (good), several old episodes of Corner Gas I had cluttering my DVR (very good), and the last few episodes of Scrubs (spotty). I also watched a few of the South Park episodes that had begun to accumulate, and I have to ask: are Matt and Trey completely out of ideas? Because every episode this season has just been a rehashing of an old movie. I know they do that a lot, and it's fine, but this season already we've had The Lottery, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Grapes of Wrath, Stand and Deliver, and frickin' Heavy Metal.

Monday -- I (finally!) picked up the Orange Box for the PS3, and got to play Portal for the first time. Six hours later, of course, I was finished, but I was well-satisfied with my purchase. And as much as I love playing "Still Alive" in Rock Band, it's a billion times funnier in context. And now I'll finally get to play Half-Life 2's Episodes 1 and 2! And play Half-Life 2 again! (You remember how enthralled with the game I was the first time.)

Today -- I finished reading Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, which is easily one of the ten best books I've ever read. Then I returned home to find that Trent Reznor has decided to release the new Nine Inch Nails album, The Slip, totally for free.

Ah: good times.

I also must now fulfill a promise, and offer thanks to my Pizza Place co-worker Al, who stayed for an extra few minutes the other day to help me out while I was closing. He also read this blog -- all of it, apparently. A truly Herculean endeavor, sir. Thanks.

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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Head Down
via FoxyTunes

MUST. SEE. THIS. MOVIE. LIFE. DEPENDS. ON IT.

How much longer until July 18th? TOO DAMN LONG, that's how long.

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Now playing: Genesis - The Colony of Slippermen (The Arrival/A Visit to the Doktor/Raven)
via FoxyTunes

Quotable Quotes

Mini Boss, after last night's episode of Lost:

"Lost is like the SATs. If the answer is that easy, it's probably not right."

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Now playing: Third Eye Blind - 10 Days Late
via FoxyTunes

It is the first of May, isn't it?

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Now playing: Jonathan Coulton - First of May
via FoxyTunes

Told you so

My new story, "Owl-Stretching Time," is available over at Saying Stories. Please let me know what you think. And read the others, as well -- I like what I've seen of René's play.

As per usual, with a story comes a music video.



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Now playing: Joni Mitchell - Blue
via FoxyTunes

...ticktock, ticktock, ticktock...

Of course, my new Saying Story is due before midnight tomorrow. And I have a packed social calendar for tomorrow, and I have work tonight. And I have to sleep sometime.

So why am I talking to you?

Because I can't sit and write one thing for any extended period of time without a break. Consider this my pressure valve. I could play Rock Band some more, but I'm afraid it will difficult to get me to stop. So I post here.

Look for the story soon. If things go as planned, it'll be up tomorrow morning. If not -- well, we'll see.

Okay -- back to it!

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Now playing: Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
via FoxyTunes

If only someone would do this is in the real world

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Now playing: Gabriel Mann - Overflow
via FoxyTunes

List: My favorite TV seasons

Pajiba is doing a series of reviews on their picks for the best 15 seasons of the last twenty years. Far be it from me to stay off a bandwagon: here are my favorites, in no particular order.

1. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine -- Season 4
2. Star Trek: The Next Generation -- Season 4
3. Lost -- Season 1*
4. The X-Files -- Season 3
5. Firefly -- its one and only (incomplete) season
6. Arrested Development -- Season 2
7. South Park -- Season 6
8. Seinfeld -- Season 4
9. Mystery Science Theater 3000 -- Season 10
10. Oz -- Season 4
11. Scrubs -- Season 3
12. House -- Season 2
13. The West Wing -- Season 2
14. Veronica Mars -- Season 2
15. Murder One -- Season 1

* The first season of Lost remains the most consistent thus far. But if the fourth season finishes with the same force it's maintained so far, it will take its place here.

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Now playing: Radiohead - Gagging Order
via FoxyTunes

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?

In 1975, Pink Floyd was exhausted. They had just come off an endless tour supporting their genre-defining masterwork Dark Side of the Moon. With that record, they had finally achieved everything they'd wanted in music -- fame, fortune, critical respect, unparalleled success -- but they felt defeated and lost. They needed to quickly follow up on Dark Side to keep their commercial momentum, but the studio sessions did not progress easily. The three songs they had written on tour were arranged and structured to be recorded simply because they were already done and wouldn't require any effort. But even so, the band went about the process lethargically -- just going through the motions. They just weren't feeling it.

And then Roger Waters -- the Floyd's main songwriter and creative force at the time -- hit upon inspiration. Since the entire band was on this same page emotionally, why not use that as the focus for their music? They ditched two of the already-written songs (though they'd turn up on a later album, Animals) and started fresh, composing new material that reflected their miserable, isolated state of mind. The other finished track -- a mournful elegy called "Shine on You Crazy Diamond," an ode to former bandleader Syd Barrett -- was reworked into a two-part suite that bookended the new material.

Though the process started mired in agony, the resulting album -- aptly titled Wish You Were Here -- is today hailed by all members of the band as their favorite. And it only happened because the Floyd were willing to accept their situation as hopeless, shake themselves out of their inertial stupor and take a fresh look at things. They used their biggest stumbling block and used it as inspiration.

This little bit of musical history is a long way of telling you that my planned Saying Story for this month, "Miles and Miles and Miles and Miles and Miles," is not going to happen. It was a great idea when I had it -- it's still a great idea -- but I'm not in the headspace to write it, and haven't been for a while. Just like the Floyd, I kept plugging away at it because it was the only idea I had. But now I've accepted the inevitable, and decided to put aside. (Though I may end up writing it at a later time -- I still like the story.)

Instead, I've followed the example of Roger Waters and turned my interminable funk inside-out. The resulting story -- which I'll probably write this weekend, in one sitting if I can manage it -- is an attempt to work through the shrouded and black mental state that's prevented me from writing in the first place. Turn into the skid, yeah?

Look for the new story, "Owl-Stretching Time," on Wednesday.



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Now playing: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
via FoxyTunes

Even when it's approaching torture, I've got my routine

René said I should start posting here regularly again, even if it is just a YouTube video or something. So here you go -- I love recut trailers.



In case you don't get it, it's an homage to another trailer -- my favorite trailer ever, actually.



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Now playing: Serj Tankian - Empty Walls
via FoxyTunes

Lost in a nutshell...what?

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

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Now playing: Mike Doughty - I Hear the Bells
via FoxyTunes