Well, the site overhaul looks pretty decent. And it's certainly easier to update the Countdown with the new format.
The only sticking point is the same sticking point I always have when I change formats around: the comments. For some reason, I can't get them to show up. But I'm still working on it.
I'm also working on a new logo. Been a while, hasn't it?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Tinkering
I'm updating my Blogger template to the new Blogger "customizing" format, so things might look a little goofy here for a bit. Watch your step.
The following post is brought to you by Just Brakes
Three or four times a day, I hear these commercials for Just Brakes. It takes the form of a telephone conversation between a helpful Just Brakes employee and a prospective customer. They do all sorts of repair crap to your brake system for "only $99.88 in most cases." I remember that because they say it about seven times in thirty seconds.
Anyway. At one point in the ad, the prospective customer asks if she can make an appointment for next week. But the helpful employee says something to the effect of, "We recommend you come in right away. Failing to fix brake problems immediately could lead to a real brake system nightmare, easily doubling or tripling the cost of repairs!"
No shit: I just spent five hundred dollars fixing my brakes.
Kill me. Kill me now.
Anyway. At one point in the ad, the prospective customer asks if she can make an appointment for next week. But the helpful employee says something to the effect of, "We recommend you come in right away. Failing to fix brake problems immediately could lead to a real brake system nightmare, easily doubling or tripling the cost of repairs!"
No shit: I just spent five hundred dollars fixing my brakes.
Kill me. Kill me now.
Fun with Google Reader
Apparently, changing the labels on my old posts causes Google Reader to think they're new posts and show them as new. So it looks like I wrote ten posts yesterday about things no one remembers from three years ago.
Which isn't all that different from what I actually write. So.
Which isn't all that different from what I actually write. So.
Monday, May 14, 2007
A disaster waiting to happen
I finally watched last week's Heroes this morning, having at last carved forty-five minutes out of a busy schedule. (Working all the time, going without electricity for a day, writing a mass recap of the Hunter episodes I've missed, writing Revolver -- I'm actually doing things. It's weird.)
Anyway, Heroes. It was...ehh. From popular reaction, I expected to be knocked on my ass, but it was kind of there. I mean, it was entertaining, don't get me wrong -- and it was certainly fun to see a totally different side of Sylar. But nothing happened. It was the very worst kind of foot-shuffling exercise as they get ready for the finale. (As opposed to Lost, which does its feet-shuffling at the beginning of the season and then kicks your ass for ten weeks in a row to finish. And while I'm in this parenthetical and talking about Lost, I should say that last week's episode, "The Man Behind the Curtain," was easily one of the five best of the whole series. It was that good.)
And now NBC comes with dire news:
Then again, NBC is getting pretty fucking desperate, as you can see:
Man, NBC is a mess.
Anyway, Heroes. It was...ehh. From popular reaction, I expected to be knocked on my ass, but it was kind of there. I mean, it was entertaining, don't get me wrong -- and it was certainly fun to see a totally different side of Sylar. But nothing happened. It was the very worst kind of foot-shuffling exercise as they get ready for the finale. (As opposed to Lost, which does its feet-shuffling at the beginning of the season and then kicks your ass for ten weeks in a row to finish. And while I'm in this parenthetical and talking about Lost, I should say that last week's episode, "The Man Behind the Curtain," was easily one of the five best of the whole series. It was that good.)
And now NBC comes with dire news:
To stretch the normal 22-episode season of "Heroes," which faltered after its long hiatus this year, NBC will add "Heroes: Origins." The spinoff will introduce a new character each week, and viewers will select which one stays for the following season. The two series will have 30 new episodes combined.No. No no no. The last thing this show needs is more characters. They can barely find time to deal with the ones they have, and letting viewers pick new ones is not a good idea.
Then again, NBC is getting pretty fucking desperate, as you can see:
Since it found an audience this season with superpowered stars, NBC will remake "Bionic Woman" with Michelle Ryan in the title role.A new Bionic Woman? Ick. I'll admit Journeyman sounds kinda cool. Though I liked it better when it was called Quantum Leap.
New series "Journeyman" is about a San Francisco newspaper reporter who travels through time to alter people's lives, and "Chuck" is a thriller about a computer geek who becomes a government agent after spy secrets are embedded in his brain.
Man, NBC is a mess.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
This is what we've come to
A bunch of teachers got together and decided to stage a little improvisational theater for their students, to give them a little "learning experience":
What, exactly, can be learned from this experience? "When a crazy man with a gun is running around shooting people, hide!" Listen: if your students need a drill to learn that tactic, I think they've got bigger problems.
Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.Right.The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.
"We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said.
What, exactly, can be learned from this experience? "When a crazy man with a gun is running around shooting people, hide!" Listen: if your students need a drill to learn that tactic, I think they've got bigger problems.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
The Weekly iPod Shuffle: 5/12/07
1. "Shape of Things to Come," Audioslave
Audioslave is, of course, broken up now, just a few months after releasing their most accomplished album to date, Revelations. Now, seeing as how they've already broken up six or seven times (at least twice before their first album was even released), the reunion could be coming any day. I'm not holding my breath.
2. "Original of the Species," U2
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb has not held up at all over the past few years. And seeing as how this track was fairly dull and nondescript at the time, I'm not exactly delighted to hear it. In fact, I'd forgotten I even had it.
3. "Crazy," Seal
The Main Theme of the next Hunter soundtrack. Miracles will happen as we speak, but we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy. Of course, I doubt anyone in my Hunter group will actually dig it.
4. "#40," Dave Matthews Band
From...uh, one of the Dave live albums I've got. Frothing Daveheads have been clamoring for an album release of this song for years, which is silly, considering that it appears on at least two live records. But those are Daveheads for you.
5. "The Wind Cries Mary," Jimi Hendrix
One of the fifteen or so coolest songs ever recorded. I once had a screenplay in mind about a serial killer who tortured his victims while this song played in the background. For some reason, I thought this was "intense." Ah, my late teens.
6. "Orion," Metallica
Stephen and I once spent hours talking about making a Pink Floyd: The Wall-type movie set to Metallica songs. "Orion" was to be the centerpiece, as it's a long, beautiful instrumental that practically screams for visual accompaniment. For the life of me, I can't remember a single thing about that movie idea, but it certainly held our attention for a little while. Of course, we once spent nearly an hour improvising a sketch that recast various scenes of Full Metal Jacket with professional wrestlers -- "Are you allowed to have jelly donuts in the locker room, Viscera?" -- and giggling so hard we almost passed out, so that doesn't really mean much. Ah, my late teens.
(Seriously: Viscera has a page on Wikipedia? What the fuck?)
7. "Cherub Rock," Smashing Pumpkins
One of the saddest things I've ever seen: my father listening to this album on some headphones and trying to "headbang." 'Cuz, you know, he rocks. What an asshole. (Though in fairness, my dad did play the drums, about a thousand years ago. Though I've never actually seen any evidence of this, come to think of it.) The funniest part about that is that this song is about those who pretend to be "cool" to gain favor.
8. "Signed, Sealed, Delivered," Stevie Wonder
Man, Stevie Wonder ruled, back before he got to that "I Just Called to Say I Love You" phase. My earliest memory of Stevie is wondering who the hell he was when he had a cameo on The Cosby Show. 'Cuz, you know, the Cos is hip.
9. "One of These Days," Pink Floyd
One of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces. The song's only lyric, delivered by a creepy, synthesized voice that gives me chills every time. This was included as a piece of "Fight Music" on a previous game soundtrack.
10. "Hard to Concentrate," Red Hot Chili Peppers
Speaking of game soundtracks, again, this song might end up as background music for a future Hunter session: it's a surprisingly pretty ballad about a wedding.
Audioslave is, of course, broken up now, just a few months after releasing their most accomplished album to date, Revelations. Now, seeing as how they've already broken up six or seven times (at least twice before their first album was even released), the reunion could be coming any day. I'm not holding my breath.
2. "Original of the Species," U2
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb has not held up at all over the past few years. And seeing as how this track was fairly dull and nondescript at the time, I'm not exactly delighted to hear it. In fact, I'd forgotten I even had it.
3. "Crazy," Seal
The Main Theme of the next Hunter soundtrack. Miracles will happen as we speak, but we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy. Of course, I doubt anyone in my Hunter group will actually dig it.
4. "#40," Dave Matthews Band
From...uh, one of the Dave live albums I've got. Frothing Daveheads have been clamoring for an album release of this song for years, which is silly, considering that it appears on at least two live records. But those are Daveheads for you.
5. "The Wind Cries Mary," Jimi Hendrix
One of the fifteen or so coolest songs ever recorded. I once had a screenplay in mind about a serial killer who tortured his victims while this song played in the background. For some reason, I thought this was "intense." Ah, my late teens.
6. "Orion," Metallica
Stephen and I once spent hours talking about making a Pink Floyd: The Wall-type movie set to Metallica songs. "Orion" was to be the centerpiece, as it's a long, beautiful instrumental that practically screams for visual accompaniment. For the life of me, I can't remember a single thing about that movie idea, but it certainly held our attention for a little while. Of course, we once spent nearly an hour improvising a sketch that recast various scenes of Full Metal Jacket with professional wrestlers -- "Are you allowed to have jelly donuts in the locker room, Viscera?" -- and giggling so hard we almost passed out, so that doesn't really mean much. Ah, my late teens.
(Seriously: Viscera has a page on Wikipedia? What the fuck?)
7. "Cherub Rock," Smashing Pumpkins
One of the saddest things I've ever seen: my father listening to this album on some headphones and trying to "headbang." 'Cuz, you know, he rocks. What an asshole. (Though in fairness, my dad did play the drums, about a thousand years ago. Though I've never actually seen any evidence of this, come to think of it.) The funniest part about that is that this song is about those who pretend to be "cool" to gain favor.
8. "Signed, Sealed, Delivered," Stevie Wonder
Man, Stevie Wonder ruled, back before he got to that "I Just Called to Say I Love You" phase. My earliest memory of Stevie is wondering who the hell he was when he had a cameo on The Cosby Show. 'Cuz, you know, the Cos is hip.
9. "One of These Days," Pink Floyd
One of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces. The song's only lyric, delivered by a creepy, synthesized voice that gives me chills every time. This was included as a piece of "Fight Music" on a previous game soundtrack.
10. "Hard to Concentrate," Red Hot Chili Peppers
Speaking of game soundtracks, again, this song might end up as background music for a future Hunter session: it's a surprisingly pretty ballad about a wedding.
Friday, May 11, 2007
The slippery ethics of peer-to-peer downloading
An ethical query:
If we can agree that downloading music, movies, books, video games, or anything else from a peer-to-peer server instead of paying for it is stealing, at what point does such an act become acceptable?
Case in point: today I downloaded a CD -- The Best of the Moody Blues -- and a PC game, Black & White. Truth be told, I stole them. The end result is really no different than running into Wal*Mart and racing out with the packages tucked under my shirt.
But the subject becomes a little fuzzy when you consider this: I've already bought both of these items in the past. My Moody Blues disc has been lost over the various moves I've done in the last few years, and my Black & White disc was destroyed when it escaped from its case while in transit and was scraped against the bottom of a cardboard box for three days.
I could have downloaded the entire Moody Blues catalog, but did not -- I only got the CD I already paid for. And I downloaded not Black & White 2, but the original, which I bought when it was originally released 127 years ago. (Give or take.)
Surely, this is no less illegal. But is it more ethical?
These are the things I think about. This, and Lost.
If we can agree that downloading music, movies, books, video games, or anything else from a peer-to-peer server instead of paying for it is stealing, at what point does such an act become acceptable?
Case in point: today I downloaded a CD -- The Best of the Moody Blues -- and a PC game, Black & White. Truth be told, I stole them. The end result is really no different than running into Wal*Mart and racing out with the packages tucked under my shirt.
But the subject becomes a little fuzzy when you consider this: I've already bought both of these items in the past. My Moody Blues disc has been lost over the various moves I've done in the last few years, and my Black & White disc was destroyed when it escaped from its case while in transit and was scraped against the bottom of a cardboard box for three days.
I could have downloaded the entire Moody Blues catalog, but did not -- I only got the CD I already paid for. And I downloaded not Black & White 2, but the original, which I bought when it was originally released 127 years ago. (Give or take.)
Surely, this is no less illegal. But is it more ethical?
These are the things I think about. This, and Lost.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Namaste
Lost is coming to end in 2010, producers announced yesterday. This, actually, is fantastic news: it's always better for a dramatic show to know when the end is coming long in advance. It makes it easier to wrap up the various plots and story threads when you know you've got exactly 48 more episodes to work with. Unlike, say, The X-Files, a show that limped to its conclusion, bloodied and violated, deluded into thinking it had "more stories to tell" when it actually ran out four years earlier.
Of course, my only sticking point is the way they're doing it: 48 episodes to go, got it, that's fine -- in fact, I'd guessed exactly that many in conversation over the weekend. But instead of doing two more seasons, as I had predicted, they're doing three shortened seasons of 16 episodes each. Which is fine, too, I guess. But just weird.
It's understandable, though, and kinda funny. I mean, of course they're doing forty-eight more episodes in seasons of 16 episodes each. Duh!
Also, today at the grocery store I spotted TV Guide, and its headline regarding the Lost season finale, which according to buzz is a "game-changer" that is so awesome it might actually recombine your DNA. (The evidence backs them up: the finales of seasons 1 and 2 were each spectacular.)
The TV Guide headline boldly announces Five will die!, which is fairly stunning: I knew someone was going to die, but five whole characters is a pretty impressive piece of storytelling real estate to chew up in a single episode.
And since I've been pretty awesome at guessing Lost twists before they happen, especially this season (Claire and Jack having the same father, Locke's father being the guy who Sawyer's been chasing all these years, and a few others), I'm going out on a limb and predicting the death list.
(The Lost v. Heroes comparison in that USA Today article is pretty funny, by the way.)
Of course, my only sticking point is the way they're doing it: 48 episodes to go, got it, that's fine -- in fact, I'd guessed exactly that many in conversation over the weekend. But instead of doing two more seasons, as I had predicted, they're doing three shortened seasons of 16 episodes each. Which is fine, too, I guess. But just weird.
It's understandable, though, and kinda funny. I mean, of course they're doing forty-eight more episodes in seasons of 16 episodes each. Duh!
Also, today at the grocery store I spotted TV Guide, and its headline regarding the Lost season finale, which according to buzz is a "game-changer" that is so awesome it might actually recombine your DNA. (The evidence backs them up: the finales of seasons 1 and 2 were each spectacular.)
The TV Guide headline boldly announces Five will die!, which is fairly stunning: I knew someone was going to die, but five whole characters is a pretty impressive piece of storytelling real estate to chew up in a single episode.
And since I've been pretty awesome at guessing Lost twists before they happen, especially this season (Claire and Jack having the same father, Locke's father being the guy who Sawyer's been chasing all these years, and a few others), I'm going out on a limb and predicting the death list.
- Charlie. (That one's easy, really, with Desmond's "You're gonna die, Charlie!" premonitions.)
- Ben. (They gotta take out the villain, and his own people are plotting against him.)
- Sawyer. (He just resolved his emotional baggage, which is usually the next step before death on this show: see Boone, Eko, and Ana-Lucia. Plus, one has to be a big-time shocker, right?)
- Jin. (Sun's pregnant, and killing a pregnant lady would be beyond evil, even for this show's writers. But the baby's father -- ah, pathos!)
- Hurley. (Oh, it would make me sad, but Hurley doesn't really contribute much to the show anymore anyway.)
(The Lost v. Heroes comparison in that USA Today article is pretty funny, by the way.)
How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
So I wrote yesterday that Roger Clemens was an egomaniac who went back to the Yankees because they would act it was the second coming (well, fourth or fifth coming by now, I guess) of the messiah and lay down offerings of gold and sacrifice at his feet.
I wrote that yesterday, without realizing how Clemens made this announcement: he upstaged a game in progress by speaking from the owner's box at Yankee Stadium! During the seventh-inning stretch, this announcement was made, by Clemens, on the big screen at Yankee Stadium. A sane person would have made the announcement from behind a podium, during a press conference, after the game. A maniac would have gone the Clemens route.
Even funnier is that he got exactly the reaction he wanted: the Stadium erupted in joy, and I heard a clip of some radio announcer guy that sounded like the unholy union between Fran Drescher and Sheila Broflowski having an on-air orgasm. "Oh my gawd! Rawga Clemens is back as a Yankee! He's in the bawx, with Steenbrenna, oh my gawd!"
Well, you can't say the Rocket doesn't know what he's doing.
I wrote that yesterday, without realizing how Clemens made this announcement: he upstaged a game in progress by speaking from the owner's box at Yankee Stadium! During the seventh-inning stretch, this announcement was made, by Clemens, on the big screen at Yankee Stadium. A sane person would have made the announcement from behind a podium, during a press conference, after the game. A maniac would have gone the Clemens route.
Even funnier is that he got exactly the reaction he wanted: the Stadium erupted in joy, and I heard a clip of some radio announcer guy that sounded like the unholy union between Fran Drescher and Sheila Broflowski having an on-air orgasm. "Oh my gawd! Rawga Clemens is back as a Yankee! He's in the bawx, with Steenbrenna, oh my gawd!"
Well, you can't say the Rocket doesn't know what he's doing.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Again, Chang is shocked
[Note to the reader: when I wrote of Andy Pettitte's departure a few months ago, I was told to "calm down." I admit, I was angry. But I'm not angry about this -- this is more detached, amused sarcasm. So before you tell me to calm down, I want to make clear that the third paragraph of this post is not meant to be read as an angry screed -- more of a laughing, wiseass, Jim Rome-like delivery. This is the problem with the internet: tone is impossible to transmit properly.]
Roger Clemens, to the surprise of, well, nobody, has decided to come back from retirement for the third time to pitch for the New York Yankees. They're gonna give him a prorated $28 million for the remainder of the season, but he's going there "only" to win a championship.
Dig that logic: he's going to the Yankees because he wants to win a championship. He passed over the Red Sox, the best team in the American League, to go to the Yankees. But the Yankees suck. Aside from A-Rod, who's playing like he wants to opt out of his contract and head for the hills after October, the team is playing like junk, even without their pitchers dropping like Stormtroopers. And somehow Clemens is going to stride into the Bronx like Leonidas and rouse the troops to battle again.
Actually, I'll bet anything that's exactly what he thinks he's going to do. Few people on this planet have an ego quite like Roger Clemens, and I bet he's having dreams of the post-World Series stories, talking about him "saving" the Yankees, all those interviews with Jeter and A-Rod and Torre and even Steinbrenner, yeah, even him, all of them talking about how it would have been impossible without the Rocket, how he took an under-.500 team all on his overweight, too-broad, stiff-backed shoulders and dragged them to the World Series all on his own. Damn straight, he did! And that'll make up for all the times in his career he's failed to win the Big Game: the '86 World Series (he started Game 6, you know), over and over for the Sox in the '80s and '90s, for the Yankees over and over in the playoffs, Game 7 of the 2004 NLCS for the Astros, Game 2 of the 2005 World Series (he left after all of two innings), and came up short last year in a game we had to win to stay alive in the Central Division chase. But goddammit, he's gonna save the fucking Yankees this year! And that'll silence the lambs, all right, that'll stop the choke-choke-choke voices in his head, sure.
The best part about this is that, unlike his beaked buddy Pettitte, this isn't even a shock. As Astros catcher/baseball scholar Brad Ausmus put it today, "There are two kinds of people. Those who aren't surprised, and morons." Everybody knew this was what was going to happen.
The funniest part is Randy Hendricks, Clemens's agent, acting like he's dropping a bombshell on the baseball -- no, the sports -- no, fuck it, just the world. And the reaction from everyone, from the Astros clubhouse to the callers on AM talk radio, is almost to a man: "Meh." Who gives a fuck? Did we really want to spend $20 million to let this guy pitch for three months?
Short answer: No. Longer answer: No. Shit no.
But if he becomes the bajillionth Yankee pitcher this year to blow a hamstring, the distant rumbling you'll be hearing will be my laughter. The wheels have to come off the wagon at some point, don't they?
Roger Clemens, to the surprise of, well, nobody, has decided to come back from retirement for the third time to pitch for the New York Yankees. They're gonna give him a prorated $28 million for the remainder of the season, but he's going there "only" to win a championship.
Dig that logic: he's going to the Yankees because he wants to win a championship. He passed over the Red Sox, the best team in the American League, to go to the Yankees. But the Yankees suck. Aside from A-Rod, who's playing like he wants to opt out of his contract and head for the hills after October, the team is playing like junk, even without their pitchers dropping like Stormtroopers. And somehow Clemens is going to stride into the Bronx like Leonidas and rouse the troops to battle again.
Actually, I'll bet anything that's exactly what he thinks he's going to do. Few people on this planet have an ego quite like Roger Clemens, and I bet he's having dreams of the post-World Series stories, talking about him "saving" the Yankees, all those interviews with Jeter and A-Rod and Torre and even Steinbrenner, yeah, even him, all of them talking about how it would have been impossible without the Rocket, how he took an under-.500 team all on his overweight, too-broad, stiff-backed shoulders and dragged them to the World Series all on his own. Damn straight, he did! And that'll make up for all the times in his career he's failed to win the Big Game: the '86 World Series (he started Game 6, you know), over and over for the Sox in the '80s and '90s, for the Yankees over and over in the playoffs, Game 7 of the 2004 NLCS for the Astros, Game 2 of the 2005 World Series (he left after all of two innings), and came up short last year in a game we had to win to stay alive in the Central Division chase. But goddammit, he's gonna save the fucking Yankees this year! And that'll silence the lambs, all right, that'll stop the choke-choke-choke voices in his head, sure.
The best part about this is that, unlike his beaked buddy Pettitte, this isn't even a shock. As Astros catcher/baseball scholar Brad Ausmus put it today, "There are two kinds of people. Those who aren't surprised, and morons." Everybody knew this was what was going to happen.
The funniest part is Randy Hendricks, Clemens's agent, acting like he's dropping a bombshell on the baseball -- no, the sports -- no, fuck it, just the world. And the reaction from everyone, from the Astros clubhouse to the callers on AM talk radio, is almost to a man: "Meh." Who gives a fuck? Did we really want to spend $20 million to let this guy pitch for three months?
Short answer: No. Longer answer: No. Shit no.
But if he becomes the bajillionth Yankee pitcher this year to blow a hamstring, the distant rumbling you'll be hearing will be my laughter. The wheels have to come off the wagon at some point, don't they?
Saturday, May 05, 2007
The Weekly iPod Shuffle: 5/5/07
1. "Bank Job," Barenaked Ladies
This is from Barenaked Ladies Are Me, their 2006 release. Yes, the Ladies continued to release albums after "One Week." Good albums, too. And what is it with me and Canadian bands? The Ladies, the Hip, Our Lady Peace -- I'm surprised I'm not more into Rush than I am.
2. "The Hand of Friendship," Beth Kinderman
Low-fi, low-budget, super-geeky, totally indie folk rock -- yes! How low-fi and low-budget are we talking about? "The Hand of Friendship" is from her latest album, Door, written and recorded at her home and released a track at a time online this February. How super-geeky? Door is a concept album based on Farscape. Yes, Farscape. Of course, the songs are well-written enough that you wouldn't necessarily know that unless you were told, and a lack of Farscape knowledge won't stop you from digging it. Of course, it is extremely low-fi: she plays all the instruments and sings all the vocals, and it's clear that she doesn't always have time to go back and fix some iffy bits. If you don't mind the I-recorded-this-in-my-closet sound quality, though, Beth Kinderman's songs are phenomenal. I need to get on with the shuffle, but I'll get back to Beth at the end.
3. "Polythene Pam," The Beatles
Ah, the Abbey Road medley. Probably the Beatles' greatest musical achievement -- not bad for a bunch of half-songs and unfinished lyrics, huh?
4. "Stickshifts and Safetybelts," Cake
How can you not love Cake? I've talked about them at length before, but this is really one of the coolest bands of the last fifteen years. This particular track, from their album Fashion Nugget, swings their musical pendulum hard to the "country" side of their repertoire, but it's still fantastic.
5. "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground," The White Stripes
"I don't get it," FRINAN likes to say of the Stripes. "Bad guitar, bad drums, bad singer = great songs." You bet, my friend. One of their better songs, and best videos.
6. "It's Not," Aimee Mann
Paul Thomas Anderson wrote the screenplay for Magnolia, one of my favorite movies, based on the songs of Aimee Mann; in turn, I've since become a huge fan of her work. This is from Lost in Space, which is probably her best album -- the special-edition double-disc version features a stellar live cover of, of all things, Coldplay's "The Scientist."
7. "Battery," Metallica
If violence, the abstract concept, could be distilled into composed music, it would sound like "Battery." This track just makes you want to bash things until they fall down and die. Which is a good thing, in case you weren't sure. Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, weak are ripped and torn away! Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower, battery is here to stay! *smash* *crunch*
8. "Waited," Our Lady Peace
Hey, there they are. More Canadian goodness. My friend Josh used to tell me that the singer's voice on this album (Happiness...Is Not a Fish That You Can Catch -- dig that weirdo title) sounds just like Cher. It's seven years later, and I still don't hear it.
9. "Overkill," Colin Hay
This song was featured in spectacular fashion on Scrubs, complete with Colin Hay cameo. I prefer the Men at Work original song, but this version's still great. Yes, Men at Work, who did "Down Under." Colin Hay was their lead singer. Whatever happened to that guy with the teddy bear tied to his foot in the music video? Does anyone reading this even know what I'm talking about?
10. "Creep," Stone Temple Pilots
At the first concert I ever saw, Stone Temple Pilots stopped the show cold about a hour through, climbed on to a big green sofa in the middle of the stage, and played a beautiful version of this song. Constant radio repetition in the thirteen years since has kind of dulled my love for it, but it's quite the good slice of post-Nirvana alternative rock.
So, anyway: Beth Kinderman. All her music is available for free download on her website, but it might help to know where to start. If you're not interested in the Farscape concept record (which I liked a lot, and I've never seen an episode of Farscape in my life), you should download these songs and burn yourself a CD:
1. Good Intentions
2. Pangaea (New Version)
3. Blue Horizon [A song based on a character she played in Mage: The Ascension.]
4. Swallowing Me
5. The Golden Age [A song written to the challenge of writing a Top 40 song from the year 2055. She envisioned a massive alien invasion and the enslavement of humanity -- this is a song about fighting against the oppressors. Did I say she was geeky?]
6. Rogue
7. Underneath the Mask [The quintessential Kinderman song -- it's about Star Wars, which is obvious when you hear it. But it's also obvious that it's not about Star Wars at all -- she merely uses the plot framework of Return of the Jedi to explore more emotional territory.]
8. Paper Cup
9. Clear Water
10. 5 [About V for Vendetta, and the song probably hindered most by her low-fi production -- a little cleaner, and this would be a masterpiece.]
11. The Martyr
12. Drive [Inspired by the TV show Supernatural, which I've also never seen.]
13. Fuse [Inspired by an internet forum flame war. See? Geeky.]
14. Valley [Firefly. Enough said. The line "Wasn't just you that I lost in that moment/'Cause I won't meet that child now, regardless" is one of the saddest I've ever heard.]
Like I said, if you don't mind the extremely cheapo sound and hit-and-miss performances, it's really great stuff.
This is from Barenaked Ladies Are Me, their 2006 release. Yes, the Ladies continued to release albums after "One Week." Good albums, too. And what is it with me and Canadian bands? The Ladies, the Hip, Our Lady Peace -- I'm surprised I'm not more into Rush than I am.
2. "The Hand of Friendship," Beth Kinderman
Low-fi, low-budget, super-geeky, totally indie folk rock -- yes! How low-fi and low-budget are we talking about? "The Hand of Friendship" is from her latest album, Door, written and recorded at her home and released a track at a time online this February. How super-geeky? Door is a concept album based on Farscape. Yes, Farscape. Of course, the songs are well-written enough that you wouldn't necessarily know that unless you were told, and a lack of Farscape knowledge won't stop you from digging it. Of course, it is extremely low-fi: she plays all the instruments and sings all the vocals, and it's clear that she doesn't always have time to go back and fix some iffy bits. If you don't mind the I-recorded-this-in-my-closet sound quality, though, Beth Kinderman's songs are phenomenal. I need to get on with the shuffle, but I'll get back to Beth at the end.
3. "Polythene Pam," The Beatles
Ah, the Abbey Road medley. Probably the Beatles' greatest musical achievement -- not bad for a bunch of half-songs and unfinished lyrics, huh?
4. "Stickshifts and Safetybelts," Cake
How can you not love Cake? I've talked about them at length before, but this is really one of the coolest bands of the last fifteen years. This particular track, from their album Fashion Nugget, swings their musical pendulum hard to the "country" side of their repertoire, but it's still fantastic.
5. "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground," The White Stripes
"I don't get it," FRINAN likes to say of the Stripes. "Bad guitar, bad drums, bad singer = great songs." You bet, my friend. One of their better songs, and best videos.
6. "It's Not," Aimee Mann
Paul Thomas Anderson wrote the screenplay for Magnolia, one of my favorite movies, based on the songs of Aimee Mann; in turn, I've since become a huge fan of her work. This is from Lost in Space, which is probably her best album -- the special-edition double-disc version features a stellar live cover of, of all things, Coldplay's "The Scientist."
7. "Battery," Metallica
If violence, the abstract concept, could be distilled into composed music, it would sound like "Battery." This track just makes you want to bash things until they fall down and die. Which is a good thing, in case you weren't sure. Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, weak are ripped and torn away! Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower, battery is here to stay! *smash* *crunch*
8. "Waited," Our Lady Peace
Hey, there they are. More Canadian goodness. My friend Josh used to tell me that the singer's voice on this album (Happiness...Is Not a Fish That You Can Catch -- dig that weirdo title) sounds just like Cher. It's seven years later, and I still don't hear it.
9. "Overkill," Colin Hay
This song was featured in spectacular fashion on Scrubs, complete with Colin Hay cameo. I prefer the Men at Work original song, but this version's still great. Yes, Men at Work, who did "Down Under." Colin Hay was their lead singer. Whatever happened to that guy with the teddy bear tied to his foot in the music video? Does anyone reading this even know what I'm talking about?
10. "Creep," Stone Temple Pilots
At the first concert I ever saw, Stone Temple Pilots stopped the show cold about a hour through, climbed on to a big green sofa in the middle of the stage, and played a beautiful version of this song. Constant radio repetition in the thirteen years since has kind of dulled my love for it, but it's quite the good slice of post-Nirvana alternative rock.
So, anyway: Beth Kinderman. All her music is available for free download on her website, but it might help to know where to start. If you're not interested in the Farscape concept record (which I liked a lot, and I've never seen an episode of Farscape in my life), you should download these songs and burn yourself a CD:
1. Good Intentions
2. Pangaea (New Version)
3. Blue Horizon [A song based on a character she played in Mage: The Ascension.]
4. Swallowing Me
5. The Golden Age [A song written to the challenge of writing a Top 40 song from the year 2055. She envisioned a massive alien invasion and the enslavement of humanity -- this is a song about fighting against the oppressors. Did I say she was geeky?]
6. Rogue
7. Underneath the Mask [The quintessential Kinderman song -- it's about Star Wars, which is obvious when you hear it. But it's also obvious that it's not about Star Wars at all -- she merely uses the plot framework of Return of the Jedi to explore more emotional territory.]
8. Paper Cup
9. Clear Water
10. 5 [About V for Vendetta, and the song probably hindered most by her low-fi production -- a little cleaner, and this would be a masterpiece.]
11. The Martyr
12. Drive [Inspired by the TV show Supernatural, which I've also never seen.]
13. Fuse [Inspired by an internet forum flame war. See? Geeky.]
14. Valley [Firefly. Enough said. The line "Wasn't just you that I lost in that moment/'Cause I won't meet that child now, regardless" is one of the saddest I've ever heard.]
Like I said, if you don't mind the extremely cheapo sound and hit-and-miss performances, it's really great stuff.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Franchise players
Spider-Man 3 = the suck, in case you were wondering. Too many villains, too many plot threads, too many uninspiring action sequences, and too much Aunt May. Not to mention that it was way, way too long -- I don't when it started to become okay for summer blockbusters to start pushing the two-thirty mark, but it needs to become un-okay again. And to give you an idea of how slow and dull this thing was, Venom doesn't become Venom until about 1:40. The rest of the time is wasted with a stupid amnesia plot, clumsy scenes stolen from the second act of every romantic comedy you've ever seen, and the Sandman, perhaps the worst villain ever to appear in a comic-book movie not directed by Joel Fucking Schumacher.
Sure, it had its moments -- the inevitable Bruce Campbell cameo was gold, as usual, and there were a few worthwhile flashes here and there. But on the whole, what a terrible, terrible film. Call it 1/2*, and I'm being pretty generous.
Speaking of franchises, we're on the doorstep of a bunch of them this summer. The next (final?) Pirates of the Caribbean comes out in a few weeks, and while I enjoyed Dead Man's Chest immensely, and I love the new trailers, I'm starting to get a real Matrix Revolutions dread for At World's End. I'm not sure why, but I think it's the way the teasers insist we take this movie so damn seriously. This is an Epic Battle, a Massive War between the Armies of Now and the Armies of the Pirates, whose Time Has Come! They will Make Their Final Stand! A battle for the Fate of All Mankind! Like we're supposed to forget this is a film franchise based on a fucking Disneyland ride. Same thing happened to The Matrix -- what started out as a perfect action film with some freshmen-year-heavy philosophy became this gargantuan thing with random supporting characters spouting these Very Serious Monologues about war and honor and death like they're George S. Patton. Oh, and death sequences that seem to never end. In fact, I'm pretty sure Trinity is still dying.
The new Harry Potter movie comes out at some point this summer, but it's hard to get that worked up over the Order of the Phoenix adaptation when the final (?) book comes out right around the same time.
But then there's Live Free or Die Hard, which is an entirely different beast altogether. If you haven't seen the new trailer, you've got to. I certainly don't know if it's going to be any good, but those are some pretty awesome action set-ups they've got there. Bruce Willis was born to play John McClane, the obligatory family-member-in-danger plot is there, and is that Kevin Smith?!
And now, watch, as I erase all that optimism with a single complex sentence: the movie is directed by Les Wiseman, who co-wrote and directed Underworld, Underworld 2, and the soon-to-come Underworld 3.
Oh, and Ocean's Thirteen. That'll be...um, it'll...I mean, Clooney, ya know. And Pitt. Yeah. Damon. It'll...it'll...uh. Huh. Yeah.
...Yeah.
Sure, it had its moments -- the inevitable Bruce Campbell cameo was gold, as usual, and there were a few worthwhile flashes here and there. But on the whole, what a terrible, terrible film. Call it 1/2*, and I'm being pretty generous.
Speaking of franchises, we're on the doorstep of a bunch of them this summer. The next (final?) Pirates of the Caribbean comes out in a few weeks, and while I enjoyed Dead Man's Chest immensely, and I love the new trailers, I'm starting to get a real Matrix Revolutions dread for At World's End. I'm not sure why, but I think it's the way the teasers insist we take this movie so damn seriously. This is an Epic Battle, a Massive War between the Armies of Now and the Armies of the Pirates, whose Time Has Come! They will Make Their Final Stand! A battle for the Fate of All Mankind! Like we're supposed to forget this is a film franchise based on a fucking Disneyland ride. Same thing happened to The Matrix -- what started out as a perfect action film with some freshmen-year-heavy philosophy became this gargantuan thing with random supporting characters spouting these Very Serious Monologues about war and honor and death like they're George S. Patton. Oh, and death sequences that seem to never end. In fact, I'm pretty sure Trinity is still dying.
The new Harry Potter movie comes out at some point this summer, but it's hard to get that worked up over the Order of the Phoenix adaptation when the final (?) book comes out right around the same time.
But then there's Live Free or Die Hard, which is an entirely different beast altogether. If you haven't seen the new trailer, you've got to. I certainly don't know if it's going to be any good, but those are some pretty awesome action set-ups they've got there. Bruce Willis was born to play John McClane, the obligatory family-member-in-danger plot is there, and is that Kevin Smith?!
And now, watch, as I erase all that optimism with a single complex sentence: the movie is directed by Les Wiseman, who co-wrote and directed Underworld, Underworld 2, and the soon-to-come Underworld 3.
Oh, and Ocean's Thirteen. That'll be...um, it'll...I mean, Clooney, ya know. And Pitt. Yeah. Damon. It'll...it'll...uh. Huh. Yeah.
...Yeah.
Kick at the Darkness 'til It Bleeds Daylight: The Demon Days Soundtrack, Vol. 2
So I haven't written a Hunter recap in ages -- since I took that second job, as a matter of fact. I may or may not get back into that habit; if there's sufficient demand, I might make a stab at it.
But obviously the game continues, as we've just begun our third season. Things are looking up -- entertainment-wise, that is, not for the characters: Edgar's blind, Sunday's been kidnapped, and when we left off everyone (but Dean) was covered in rubble and stuck about half a mile underneath the city's subway tunnels. But it's all good. 'Specially when we get to rescuing Sunday. Bwhahahaha!
Erm. Excuse me. Anyway, as the game continues, so do the soundtracks, as this becomes one of the few games to last long enough to gain a second disc of songs. Same exercise as last time: each of the "star characters" -- the six Hunters -- gets two songs a piece. Sunday and the Evil Mage Brothers, Charlie and Rico, each get a song. And the album is bookended with main chronicle themes; like volume 1, one song is about violence and despair, the other about hope in the face of darkness.
And as with last time, I've allocated two songs to represent the Hunter group as a whole, but a slight change here. Last time I picked two songs that were about personal trauma and standing up in the face of adversity -- somewhat generic. But this group is anything but generic. They're an absolute menace to the city's supernaturals, a six-part wrecking crew that has ashed something like 65 vampires...so far. They're indestructible, they're unstoppable...when they can stop bitching at each other long enough to get something done. I mean, there are people in the group (no names mentioned, Dean) who truly despise other members of the group (again, no names mentioned, Willem and Dan). On the other hand, there is some camaraderie here -- Willem and Dan get along fine, Edgar is generally liked by the group as a whole, and, of course, there are the soon-to-be-wed Dean and Lucy. So the first group song is about anger, wrath, violence, and betrayal. The second song is a more fitting theme song for a group of terrifying badasses (and props to Trevor Hoffman and the San Diego Padres for the inspiration).
Without further ado: the tracks.
1. Main Theme 1: "The Noose," The Offspring
Well, the tracers from yesteryear are burning in the dust
Your bruises are reminders of naivete and trust
You're only feeling stronger cause your body's getting numb
Now I lay you down, put the coins in your eyes
And blow the candles out
The noose is falling and all my friends are crawling
The noose is falling and enemies are rising
A truth appalling, our maker comes a calling
The noose is falling and enemies are rising
2. Lucy: "Lovers in a Dangerous Time," Barenaked Ladies
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all
3. Simon: "Life Wasted," Pearl Jam
I escaped it, a life wasted
And I'm never going back again
4. Dean: "The Man in Me," Bob Dylan
Storm clouds are raging all around my door
I think to myself I might not take it anymore
5. Willem: "Carry Me Home," The Living End
Freedom's just another drink, don't leave me hanging dry
6. Dan: "Jimi Thing," Dave Matthews Band
I'm on my back, staring up at the ceiling
I take a drink, sit back, and relax
Smoke my mind, makes me feel better for a small time
7. Edgar: "Angels of the Silences," Counting Crows
All my sins...I said that I would pay for them
8. Whole Group 1: "Crawl Away," Tool
What you want and what you need
Don't mean that much to me
I can see your back is turning
If I could, I'd stick a knife in
This is love
This is my love for you
9. Willem: "Jackass," Green Day
To know you is to hate you
So loving you must be like suicide
I don't mind if you don't mind
I'm not the one that's going to die
10. Simon: "The Seeker," The Who
Learned how to raise my voice in anger
But look at my face, ain't this a smile?
I'm happy when life's good, and when it's bad, I cry
I got values, but I don't know how or why
11. Edgar: "Falling to Pieces," Faith No More
No one listens, because I'm somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces -- somebody put me together
12. Dean: "Everlong," Foo Fighters
And I wonder, when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
13. Lucy: "Until It Sleeps," Metallica
Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right by my side
So tear me open and pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
14. Dan: "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)," Kenny Rogers & the New Edition
I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole
And then I followed it in
I watched myself crawling out as I was crawling in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
15. Whole Group 2: "Hells Bells," AC/DC
I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives
Nobody's putting up a fight
16. Sunday: "Haunted," Poe
Come here -- pretty please?
Can you tell me where I am?
You -- won't you say something?
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost, and the shadows keep on changing
17. Charlie and Rico: "Sweet Sacrifice," Evanescence
You poor, sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
And oh, you love to hate me, don't you, honey?
18. Main Theme 2: "Don't Panic," Coldplay
Bones, sinking like stones
All that we fought for
And homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for
But we live in a beautiful world
Yeah, we do, yeah, we do
We live in a beautiful world
Oh, all that I know
There's nothing here to run from,
Cause, yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on
But obviously the game continues, as we've just begun our third season. Things are looking up -- entertainment-wise, that is, not for the characters: Edgar's blind, Sunday's been kidnapped, and when we left off everyone (but Dean) was covered in rubble and stuck about half a mile underneath the city's subway tunnels. But it's all good. 'Specially when we get to rescuing Sunday. Bwhahahaha!
Erm. Excuse me. Anyway, as the game continues, so do the soundtracks, as this becomes one of the few games to last long enough to gain a second disc of songs. Same exercise as last time: each of the "star characters" -- the six Hunters -- gets two songs a piece. Sunday and the Evil Mage Brothers, Charlie and Rico, each get a song. And the album is bookended with main chronicle themes; like volume 1, one song is about violence and despair, the other about hope in the face of darkness.
And as with last time, I've allocated two songs to represent the Hunter group as a whole, but a slight change here. Last time I picked two songs that were about personal trauma and standing up in the face of adversity -- somewhat generic. But this group is anything but generic. They're an absolute menace to the city's supernaturals, a six-part wrecking crew that has ashed something like 65 vampires...so far. They're indestructible, they're unstoppable...when they can stop bitching at each other long enough to get something done. I mean, there are people in the group (no names mentioned, Dean) who truly despise other members of the group (again, no names mentioned, Willem and Dan). On the other hand, there is some camaraderie here -- Willem and Dan get along fine, Edgar is generally liked by the group as a whole, and, of course, there are the soon-to-be-wed Dean and Lucy. So the first group song is about anger, wrath, violence, and betrayal. The second song is a more fitting theme song for a group of terrifying badasses (and props to Trevor Hoffman and the San Diego Padres for the inspiration).
Without further ado: the tracks.
1. Main Theme 1: "The Noose," The Offspring
Well, the tracers from yesteryear are burning in the dust
Your bruises are reminders of naivete and trust
You're only feeling stronger cause your body's getting numb
Now I lay you down, put the coins in your eyes
And blow the candles out
The noose is falling and all my friends are crawling
The noose is falling and enemies are rising
A truth appalling, our maker comes a calling
The noose is falling and enemies are rising
2. Lucy: "Lovers in a Dangerous Time," Barenaked Ladies
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all
3. Simon: "Life Wasted," Pearl Jam
I escaped it, a life wasted
And I'm never going back again
4. Dean: "The Man in Me," Bob Dylan
Storm clouds are raging all around my door
I think to myself I might not take it anymore
5. Willem: "Carry Me Home," The Living End
Freedom's just another drink, don't leave me hanging dry
6. Dan: "Jimi Thing," Dave Matthews Band
I'm on my back, staring up at the ceiling
I take a drink, sit back, and relax
Smoke my mind, makes me feel better for a small time
7. Edgar: "Angels of the Silences," Counting Crows
All my sins...I said that I would pay for them
8. Whole Group 1: "Crawl Away," Tool
What you want and what you need
Don't mean that much to me
I can see your back is turning
If I could, I'd stick a knife in
This is love
This is my love for you
9. Willem: "Jackass," Green Day
To know you is to hate you
So loving you must be like suicide
I don't mind if you don't mind
I'm not the one that's going to die
10. Simon: "The Seeker," The Who
Learned how to raise my voice in anger
But look at my face, ain't this a smile?
I'm happy when life's good, and when it's bad, I cry
I got values, but I don't know how or why
11. Edgar: "Falling to Pieces," Faith No More
No one listens, because I'm somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces -- somebody put me together
12. Dean: "Everlong," Foo Fighters
And I wonder, when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
13. Lucy: "Until It Sleeps," Metallica
Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right by my side
So tear me open and pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
14. Dan: "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)," Kenny Rogers & the New Edition
I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole
And then I followed it in
I watched myself crawling out as I was crawling in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
15. Whole Group 2: "Hells Bells," AC/DC
I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives
Nobody's putting up a fight
16. Sunday: "Haunted," Poe
Come here -- pretty please?
Can you tell me where I am?
You -- won't you say something?
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost, and the shadows keep on changing
17. Charlie and Rico: "Sweet Sacrifice," Evanescence
You poor, sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
And oh, you love to hate me, don't you, honey?
18. Main Theme 2: "Don't Panic," Coldplay
Bones, sinking like stones
All that we fought for
And homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for
But we live in a beautiful world
Yeah, we do, yeah, we do
We live in a beautiful world
Oh, all that I know
There's nothing here to run from,
Cause, yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on
Um, what?
So, this is...um. Interesting. To say the least. Part of the promotion for the upcoming film The Golden Compass, which I had never even heard of. It's essentially the same personality quiz you've done a billion times, but this time you get to change my result if you don't like it. Knock yourself out.
But seriously, have you even heard of this movie?
But seriously, have you even heard of this movie?
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
The Ruler's Back
So my illegal internet connection either shut off, was turned off, or they moved out, 'cause I lost it exactly fourteen minutes after using it to buy Dave Matthews Band tickets a while ago. Thus, I broke down and signed up for Roadrunner. Yay.
So now I'm back and able to update my blog again. Of course, I now have nothing to say. Oh, irony!
So now I'm back and able to update my blog again. Of course, I now have nothing to say. Oh, irony!
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