If it's just us, it seems like an awful waste of space

The self-fulfilling prophecy

Before I head off to work, one quick thing: Bush has apparently decided that he will follow the advice of General Petraeus and start withdrawing troops next year. Before you get too excited, he's only talking about bringing home 30,000 of them...which would bring us back to the level prior to the idiotic "surge" put into effect earlier this year.

And it's a big shock Bush is following Petraeus's advice, let me tell you. Especially considering Bush was saying the same things Petraeus said before Petraeus said it to Congress. And the White House wrote the friggin' report anyway. And furthermore, everything Petraeus said was bullshit to begin with.

How much longer until January 2009?

Harder, better, faster, stronger

Kanye West's new album, Graduation, dropped today. Thanks to the iTunes store, I was able to download it the very second it became available. I love the iTunes store.

I'd write a big long thing about the record, but I have other things to do (meaning work and stuff, totally not sitting on my ass playing Half-Life 2. I mean, what do you take me for?), so I'll just show you this image from my iTunes library:



In other words, it's really, really good. So I guess you should buy it, then. If you're into that kinda thing.

Man, if Pitchfork did reviews like this, I might take them seriously. (Though even they love Kanye.)

Oh, wait, they were serious?

Okay, this is a little disorienting. Apparently, they weren't kidding around when they said they were making a fourth Indiana Jones movie.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" will be in theaters May 22, 2008.

The title of the long-awaited fourth installment of the adventure series was announced by Shia LaBeouf, who co-stars with Ford in the film, at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas on Sunday.

The new Indy adventure, which is set in the 1950s, also stars Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent and Karen Allen.

Goddammit. Why can't you just leave the franchises alone, please? I don't want another Indy movie. And hell, they found the friggin' Holy Grail in the last movie, what is there left to find?

Oh, and your title sucks.

Weekly iPod Shuffle: 9/9/07

1. "Falling for You," Weezer
From their best album, the underrated and little-heard masterpiece Pinkerton. It disappeared from view with the public because Rivers Cuomo decided to make a self-consciously uncommercial follow-up to the beloved "blue album" (hey, there's the Fleetwood Mac playbook again), and the result is an album buried in static, distortion and unpolished (and often off-key) vocals. Luckily, not even the raunchy sound can obscure the awesome songs beneath, and this one of the best. Some of the lyrics don't quite cohere, this being one of the tracks originally composed as part of a planned concept album based on Madame Butterfly, but it still rocks. (My rating: *****)

2. "Leave," Barenaked Ladies
All BNL albums feature Stephen Page and Ed Robertson sharing vocal duties, but Steve usually bares the brunt of the load (being the band's lead singer and all). Their US breakthrough album, Stunt, however, evens things almost equally. This is one of the songs sung by Ed, and is (allegedly) about him seeing the ghost of his deceased brother while on tour. As is the standard with the Ladies, you'd never know the song had such a dark genesis from the music itself, which is nice and shiny and features a wonderful "do do do do, do do do" sing-a-long chorus. (My rating: *****)

3. "With a Little Help from My Friends," The Beatles
On a recent episode of Storytellers, Ringo opened with a performance of this song (even though he didn't write it), saying that it had single-handedly allowed him to continue touring for forty years. And he's right -- I'd be willing to shell out for a ticket to hear Ringo sing "With a Little Help from My Friends." It's that good a song. (Rating: *****)

4. "Fight," The Tragically Hip
A grungy song about a frayed relationship. After a disagreement comes to a head, Gordie surrenders, but clears his motives first: "Do you think I bow how 'cause I think you're right, or 'cause I don't want to fight?" And while he's always been a great singer, this song features his wonderful voice especially well. (Rating: *****)

5. "White and Nerdy," "Weird Al" Yankovic
Just when I was thinking that Al was perhaps a little past his prime, he turns in this single, which became the biggest of his career. And it's one of his best parodies, turning quick phrases and funny lyrics with solid hip-hop skills. The only thing missing from his litany of nerdy touchstones (he picked up trivia mastery, Monty Python, D&D, the Renaissance Fair, bubble wrap, Wikipedia, and Star Trek) was World of Warcraft. But hey, the song is only three minutes long. (Rating: *****)

6. "Good Time (live)," Counting Crows
This is a smoky, jazzy-sounding live version that retains the unusual dynamics of the original. The verses and the choruses are both quiet and understated, but the guitar hook during the second half of the verse crashes in with a viciously distorted sound that vanishes as quickly as it arrived. Weird, but it's a great song. (Rating: ****)

7. "Am I Inside," Alice in Chains
This is from Sap, a five-track EP they released between albums. To expand their sound a little on this vaguely experimental record, they added a piano and brought in another Seattle native to sing backing vocals: Ann Wilson from Heart. If you're curious how she sounds harmonizing with Layne Staley's perpetually stoned moan, the answer can be found in your dictionary under "awesome." (Rating: *****)

8. "Mr. Blue Sky," Electric Light Orchestra
I don't know how or why this song became popular again over the last several years, but I'm not sorry it did. ELO isn't generally my cup of tea, but it's hard to dislike a song as this well-constructed and catchy as this one. It gets downright silly at the end, though. (Rating: *****)

9. "Hey Hey What Can I Do," Led Zeppelin
You know Hootie and the Blowfish covered this song? I've never heard their version, but I imagine it would be...interesting. (Rating: *****)

10. "Just Don't Give a Fuck," Eminem
I've waxed nostalgic about Em's heydey a few times before; no sense doing it again. Instead, I'll just provide some of his clever lyrics on display here: "I'm buzzin', Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer/Cursin' at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer/You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from/You couldn't sell two copies if you pressed a double album....I'll diss your magazine and still won't get a weak review/I'll make your freak leave you, smell the Folgers crystals/This is a lyrical combat, gentlemen, hold your pistols/But I form like Voltron and blast you with my shoulder missiles....The looniest, spontaneous, sporadic/Impulsive thinker, compulsive drinker, addict/Half animal, half man/Dumpin' your dead body inside of a fuckin' trash can/With more holes than an afghan." Ah, the good ol' days. For some reason, though, my mom never got Eminem. Wonder why. (Rating: *****)

He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody

The fourth season of Lost won't start for another five months, so it's sort of a dry spell as far as news for the show goes. The only things floating around are the announcement that the third season will be available on Blu-ray, and the release of the first complete trailer for the next-gen video game (both of which I'll be able to take advantage of once I get a PS3...unless I buy an XBox 360 instead...but that's a debate for another post).

But there is an interesting story in Chicago magazine about the show's originator, Jeffery Lieber. When an ABC executive's whim became an impassioned demand for a Castaway-like show about people stranded on a deserted island, Lieber was the shopworn screenwriter they turned to. And while they loved his original concepts, his first draft -- titled Nowhere -- was met with antipathy. His frantic rewrites did nothing to appease the suits, and the execs at Disney pitched the project to Alias creator J.J. Abrams. Of course, the rest of the story is well-known: Abrams decided what the show needed was a supernatural, mysterious sheen, co-wrote a brand-new pilot with Alias veteran Damon Lindelof, and then turned the show completely over to Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, who crafted it into a masterpiece of serial storytelling and the best television show of the last ten years.

Lieber is painted in the story as something of a tragic figure -- he was the genesis of the project, and created the bare bones of some of the characters, but it was taken from him and totally revamped. His name appears first in the "Created by" credit on every episode, but it's a credit he had to fight for, vigorously. Lieber bemoans his fate, noting with sadness that his work on Lost is clearly his best-known accomplishment, but he's responsible for of none its success, admitting, "I had nothing to do with it."

Personally, I think it's bullshit. Lieber's original concept for Nowhere had very, very little to do with the pilot Abrams and Lindelof wrote, aside from the basic premise (which came from an executive at ABC, not Lieber) and a few character archetypes (which were really pretty obvious choices, anyway -- who wouldn't have decided to put a pregnant woman and a drug addict on that island?).

And second, it's clear (at least to me) that his concept for the show wouldn't have worked. His pitch was for "ultrarealism" -- essentially, Lord of the Flies. Fine. And he makes it in clear in his script (fragments of which are including with the article) that the idea of being rescued would not be a plotpoint. So what does that leave? A story about finding food. A story about finding water. A story about the drug addict going sober. A story about the pregnant woman having her baby. And then? You go right for the Lord of the Flies playbook, with endless squabbling and violence between survivors. And you've got nothing else. That's not enough to carry a season, let alone an entire show.

Lost, on the other hand, improves upon Nowhere in every single respect. First, the pilot wisely begins in medias res, after the plane has already crashed. This not only throws the audience in with the characters -- confused, disoriented and (gasp) lost -- but sets up the entire theme of the show. If Lost is truly about one thing week after week, it's about discovery. Each episode is about uncovering a mystery, whether it be a mystery of the island, or of the plane crash, or of the history (or future!) of one of the characters. The flashback structure (created by Abrams and Lindelof) has become the backbone of the show, a backbone that Nowhere was missing.

And then there's the simple fact that you can't argue with success -- as I noted, Lost is the best television show of the last ten years. Lieber, by his own admission, is in no way responsible for that success...but that didn't stop him from fighting for and receiving a cut of the credit and, thus, the money. He receives royalties in "the low six figures" annually from Lost, and will get more once the show is syndicated. Meanwhile, Lindelof and Abrams get less money combined* and slave on the show week after week and have turned it into the exalted program it remains today.

So here's Lieber's beef, in a nutshell: He was paid to write a script. He wrote it. It sucked. ABC gave to it more talented writers. They created a masterful behemoth. Everyone gets money and awards. Lieber sues and gets on-screen credit (the first name in the credit). He also gets royalties every time the show airs, even though he hasn't contributed to anything that was even shot, let alone aired. And that credit has allowed him to get his foot in the door to greater career advancement.

Boo fucking hoo.

*The article says that Lieber gets 60 percent of that money, while Lindelof and Abrams share 40 percent. This is just the money for the "Created by" credit, though -- one would think Lindelof gets an additional salary from ABC for his role as executive producer, plus any royalties from credits for writing individual episodes.

Everybody tells you you pay for what you get

Update: that mouse is put together as well as its manual. It will be returned momentarily.

An interesting piece of information, the importance of which I really should have recognized at the time: when I pulled the box off the shelf, the mouse almost fell out of it, because the box was already open. I tried the others on the shelf, looking for one that hadn't already been opened, but they all had been.

Because they'd all been purchased and returned. Because the fucking thing doesn't work. Though, admittedly, I didn't use it on "the white desk."

Translation by CATS

I bought a cheapo wireless mouse at Wal-Mart today. No word on whether it will actually work or not -- it's got rechargeable batteries which need to charge for 12 hours before I use it for the first time. So I'm still waiting.

But it did provide me with an expected gift: the glorious User Manual*, which is a delight rarely experienced. My joy at English travesties in official settings is well-documented, and this little scrap of paper brings the goods like few others.

(*I say "User Manual" because they do, but it's really just a scrap of paper.)

Thank you for selecting this product! Your RF Wireless Rechargeable Optical Mouse uses a newly developed RF wireless technology 27MHz that replaces the traditional wired mouse. The receiver also can be used as a charger. So you need not worry about your battery will use out

And no, I didn't forget the period on the end of that sentence. They did.

The whole thing is written like this, you understand. Like the battery instructions -- or, rather, THE STEPS OF INSTALL BATTERY, which ask you to "Please prepare for two PCS new AAA (600mAH/1.2V) chargeable batteries".

I love this manual.

PRODUCT FEATURES
1.Radio frequency 27MHz,enjoy your freely wireless space
2.It has 256ID code, there is no interference even many mice being used at the same time
3.Automatically sleeping and manpower taking off dual functions, the battery life be prolonged

Seriously, what the fuck does #3 mean?

But the manual, in addition to being informative, is also helpful. For instance, in the section headed ATTENTION PLEASE, it suggests a way to preserve battery power: "You would better use the mouse on the white desk. In this way the batteries can used for a long time." Also, "The optical mouse will not work freely on so smooth desk, glass and any reflecting surface." But don't worry, "No need to check the digital connection within 10 seconds when change the batteries, if more than that please according to the above way to re-operate."

It's nice to know those Zero Wing translators can still find work.

Oooooooooh

Weekly iPod Shuffle: 9/2/07

1. "Possession," Sarah McLachlan
So here's an interesting story: McLachlan gets all these crazy letters from obsessed fans, right? She's creeped out. To cleanse her mind of the garbage, she writes a creepy pop song about the experience, called "Possession." It's written from a stalker's perspective, and features the type of whacked-out language you'd expect from such a person: "And I will be the one to hold you down/Kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away/And after, I'd wipe away the tears/Just close your eyes, dear." So the song becomes a big hit, her first real success in America, and everyone's happy. Except one of her stalkers then sues her for royalties, claiming his letters were the basis for the song and she is using his intellectual property without permission. The Canadian legal system's head spontaneously combusts. Fortunately for them, the stalker committed suicide before the case could make it to a trial. (My rating: *****)

2. "Christmas at Ground Zero," "Weird Al" Yankovic
"Ground Zero" has a completely different definition in the American lexicon these days, but at the time Al recorded this song, it still referred to the site of a nuclear explosion. Surely, this is much funnier than the events of 9/11. (Actually, they seem to be, since this song is pretty funny.) (Rating: ****)

3. "Overkill," Colin Hay
As seen on Scrubs. I actually prefer the original Men at Work version, but this one's great, too. (Rating: *****)

4. "Savoy Truffle," The Beatles
Man, the Beatles could turn anything into a pop masterpiece, couldn't they? George Harrison wrote this one about Eric Clapton's love of chocolate. This same album (the "white album") featured songs about pigs, children's playground equipment (that's what a "Helter Skelter" is, a slide), tiger hunters, and "Birthday," in which the title word is spoken roughly 258 times. (Rating: ****)

5. "Party Man," Peter Gabriel
An obscure rarity from Pete, co-written by Tori Amos. It was featured somewhat prominently in the movie Virtuosity, which featured Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Louise Fletcher, and Ken Shamrock. One of these is not like the others. (Of course, Shamrock only appears in one scene, in the background, out of focus, and has no dialogue. Which, I can tell you after years of watching him on WWF TV, is precisely his range as an actor.) (Rating: ****)

6. "No Rain," Blind Melon
You may remember this as being the video with the bee girl. This, unfortunately, is the sum total of Blind Melon's impact on the cultural consciousness, because frontman Shannon Hoon thereafter fell into the pit of drug addiction and stayed there until his overdose two years later. (Rating: *****)

7. "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)," Jimi Hendrix
How the hell has this not made it into a Guitar Hero game yet? I mean, they put friggin' "Spanish Castle Magic," of all songs, in the first game (without the vocals, for reasons known only to them). (Rating: *****)

8. "Emaline," Ben Folds Five
An anomaly -- this is the only Ben Folds Five song to feature a guitar. As such, it sounds very odd and out-of-place, even on their rarities collection, Naked Baby Photos. It works better live, when Ben plays it solo on piano. (Rating: ****)

9. "Suffering Face," Elvis Costello
A bonus track on the King of America re-release. It's a simple vocal-and-acoustic-guitar arrangement, but the lyrics -- "You came in gentle as a lamb/And turned into a terror/And you left your love and other threats/In the steam fading on my bathroom mirror" -- are vintage Costello. You wouldn't know it from reading the liner notes, though: he credited all the songwriting on that album to his real name, Declan Patrick Aloysius MacManus (he actually added Aloysius to his legal name), and all the guitar playing is credited to the "L.H.C." -- the Little Hands of Concrete. He was in an odd frame of mind. (Rating: *****)

10. "What Makes You Think You're the One," Fleetwood Mac
So Fleetwood Mac makes Rumours, which sells about eighty bazillion copies and makes them all rich. Apparently, this pissed them off, so they returned to the studio and recorded Tusk, a deliberately un-Rumours double album that became infamous as a self-indulgent mess; it's the stereotypical disasterous follow-up record. Of course, all this ignores that Tusk is really, really good. (Rating: ****)

Because it's there

Hey, it's another internet meme. Gotta love the laziness! (Stolen, as are all my memes, from Lucas. I can't even summon up the energy to steal from someone new.)

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No. I had a police officer search my home for evidence pertaining to a burglary, but I don't think that's the same thing, since I was the one burgled and was under no suspicion.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Since the only way I'm getting on a roller coaster is if I'm dead, yes.

3. When was the last time you've been sledding?
I have never been sledding in my life.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With someone else. I just don't think they'd want to sleep with me -- what with the tossing and turning and pointy elbows. Also, I can't seem to sleep unless I've got a DVD running and playing at high volume; this might disturb my sleeping partner.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I don't believe in spooks.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
If I didn't, starting a website devoted to my writing would be an odd undertaking.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
No. They'd been divorced for a few years.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Aniston. I've never understood the world's fascination with Angelina Jolie.

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know plenty about politics. For instance, did you know that many politicians lie? It's true. Ask me how a bill becomes a law.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
I learned poker from watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. So, no, not really.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
No. Though during The Passion of the Christ it felt like it.

12. What's your favorite commercial?


13. Who was your first love?
A girl in California. I don't remember her name. Isn't that sad?

14. If you've driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
No. They have those cameras on the stoplights now.

15. Do you have a secret that no knows but you?
*A* secret? No.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Considering the frequency with which I use the phrase "DIE, YANKEES, DIE!" in casual conversation, I'll go with the Sox.

17. Have you ever been ice skating?
Nope. I went roller skating, and decided that plummeting the temperature and replacing my wheels with razor-sharp cutting implements would not enhance the experience.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Not often. But the ones I do remember, I remember for the rest of my life, apparently. There are dreams I vividly remember from ten years ago, but I can't remember what I dreamt of last night.

19. What's the one thing on your mind?
My hat.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
No. Otherwise, getting out of the car would be a pain in the ass.

21. What talent do you wish you had?
The powers of the Q.

22. Do you like sushi?
I had sushi once, back in fifth grade. And I hated it. Hated, hated, hated it.

23. What do you wear to bed?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that, no matter the answer, it creates an unpleasant mental image I wouldn't force upon you, my loyal reader(s).

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Yes, I do. I throw the word "hate" around a lot, but when it comes to true Hate, I level that weapon at just one person.

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Scarlett Johansson.

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
I used to know someone in jail when I was living in Maryland, but I doubt he's still there. In jail, I mean.

27. What food do you find disgusting?
The stuff that's been congealing in my fridge for the last few months.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their backs?
Yes. But never to say anything I haven't already said directly to their face.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes. Several times.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
I don't believe in spooks.

Blowin' in the wind

It started while I was watching Veronica Mars a little while ago. There was a sound just below the too-hip-for-my-taste soundtrack and the excellent dialogue. A vaguely musical sound.

At first, I thought it was simply part of the show -- background noise. But the scene changed, then came to an act break and faded out, and the sound continued.

I thought it might be my cell phone, so I walked to the next room to check it. Nope. Though it did ring a few minutes later, and I got to explain to Tommy why he should buy anamorphic widescreen DVDs to Tommy. (I didn't mind. I love explaining shit to people.)

And the noise continued. I thought it might be my computer -- maybe I'd left Firefox open on a website with an annoying advertisement. But no -- my laptop wasn't even on.

And then I heard it again, clearer and louder, and I realized it was coming from outside my bedroom window. I looked out. And there it was.

A little kid was playing the harmonica. A little cheap toy harmonica. No real tune or melody to speak of, just blowing through it and created random notes.

I wish I could play the harmonica.

21 bags of gold for a scout? Are you kiddin' me?

I have found yet another glorious gift of the internet: you can play the one-player version of Dark Tower online.

It's a lot more complicated than I remember. Though just as difficult. Man, I suck at Dark Tower.

A quick game tip: hire a Healer the very second you have the money.

One coin, one play

If you haven't listened to Wil Wheaton's keynote speech at PAX, you really must do so as soon as possible. (You can listen to it here, but a fair warning -- it's nearly an hour long.)

When he mentioned Dark Tower, I clapped aloud, even though I was alone in my car. And when he mentioned Blades of Steel -- "the best hockey game ever in life!" -- I think I got choked up a little. (You know how I feel about Blades of Steel.)

He speaks very fondly of arcade games like Asteroids and Wizards of War, and while I like those games, playing them is like listening to the Rolling Stones or the Who to me -- they're obviously fantastic, but they don't have the immediacy of newer music, simply because it's already classic by the time I hear it. By the time I came around to video games, the arcade stuff was already obsolete. But it's still fun to listen to him speak of it so fondly.

I also very much dug his description of games as a social activity, especially his joy in playing them with his brother. I remember very fondly the role video games often took in my house. I was obviously the expert there, but my mom and sister drew their own enjoyment from them. When he spoke of developing "level specialists" to get through certain games, I remember the (many, many) times my sister would play through a level and then thrust the controller at me to get through a boss. Ah, nostalgia.

Anyway, it's a good speech.

Weekly iPod Shuffle: 8/26/07

1. "Like a Rolling Stone (live)," Bob Dylan
The most legendary performance of Dylan's most legendary song. Starting in the mid-sixties, Dylan would split his concerts in two -- the first half would be a solo folk set, merely Dylan with a harmonica and guitar, and the second would be an electric set with a backing band. While the folk crowds loved the acoustic songs, they loathed the rock set -- they felt Dylan was betraying the folk tradition by amping it up and pumping it through bombastic rock n' roll instruments. They would frequently boo and scream, throwing things at Dylan, calling him names, clapping at the wrong times to try to throw off his rhythm. At this show, at the Manchester Free Trade Hall in 1966, it came to an infamous conclusion. While the band is preparing to begin the final song, a fan yells out "Judas!" Several other people cheer and applaud. As Dylan starts to strum a few chords, he takes a moment to think, and then snarls at the heckler, "I don't believe you. You're a LIAR!" Then, he turns to his band and says, "Play it fucking loud!" And with that, they kick into the most acidic, most apocalyptic version of "Like a Rolling Stone" imaginable. The song is angry enough as it is, but the way Dylan howls out his vocals -- "You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't yoooooooooooooou!" -- is revelatory. A Bill Hicks-like instance of a performer turning the audience's antipathy into inspiration. And when it's over, everyone applauds. [My rating: *****]

2. "Midnight Star," "Weird Al" Yankovic
The jokes about tabloid magazines and their infamously goofy headlines -- "Your pet may be an extraterrestrial! The ghost of Elvis is living in my den!" -- are a little dated now, especially with the demise of The Weekly World News. But this remains one of Al's best original compositions. [My rating: *****]

3. "Another Girl," The Beatles
Paul taunts a disinterested lover by announcing that he doesn't need her, because he's got someone else, someone better than her, anyway. Paul's songs turned pretty bitter there in the mid-sixties, when his relationship with Jane Asher fell apart. See also "I'm Looking Through You." The sentiment in this song strangely reminds of a lyric in the new Kanye West single, "Stronger": "So how the hell could you front on me?/There's thousands of yous, there's only one me." [Rating: *****]

4. "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World," James Brown
A very odd way to talk about the importance of women in our world: Brown argues, exhaustively, that men are responsible for everything -- they make everything, they run everything, they create everything, they have built the world and could destroy it if they wanted, but it would all be moot without women to stand beside them and be impressed. Uh, sure, if you say so. [Rating: ****]

5. "Blood of Eden (live)," Peter Gabriel
From his Secret World Live double-disc set, which remains one of my favorite live albums. The studio version of this song featured Sinead O'Connor on backing vocals; this live track has Paula Cole (who was famous for about fifteen minutes, you may recall), and is slightly superior. Pete's been working on a new studio album for about seven years now, but since it took roughly that long to make the last one, I'm not holding my breath. [Rating: *****]

6. "Beat It," Michael Jackson
Hey: when Michael was still Michael, and hadn't yet lost his musical inspiration -- to say nothing of his mind -- he made awesome music. "Beat It" is just as cool today as it was twenty years ago. So there. [Rating: *****]

7. "The Four Horsemen," Metallica
This song was one of several co-written by Dave Mustaine while he was still with the band. They reworked his riff and turned into this superlative track from their debut album, Kill 'Em All. Mustaine's band Megadeth recorded his "uncompromised" original version under the title "Mechanix" several years later. And advantage clearly goes to Metallica here, as they churn out one of their best songs and Megadeth merely bores you to death, as per usual. One of my favorite songs. [Rating: *****]

8. "Daredevil," The Tragically Hip
The Hip will write a song about anything -- anything at all. They've written songs about hockey, sharks, boating accidents, plane crashes, painters, colonial European oppression of the Indians, NAFTA, cops from the city in love with girls from the country, lines of longitude, or wrongly convicted murderers. This song is about someone going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Hey, whatever works. [Rating: ****]

9. "Have You Seen Me Lately?" Counting Crows
For some reason, Crows singer-songwriter Adam Duritz developed a reputation as a whiny pop star angry at his own stardom. I can't imagine why -- it certainly had nothing to do with this song, which is a long, angry rant against his own stardom. He muses that the constant magazine articles about him paint a picture that isn't necessarily anything like him at all. "Could you tell me things you remember about me?" he asks. "And have you seen me lately?" I'd be a lot more skeptical of this attitude if the song weren't so fantastic. Which it is. [Rating: *****]

10. "You're So Vain," Carly Simon
One of the biggest mysteries in pop music, of course, is just who this song is about. Mick Jagger sings backing vocals, so a lot of people point the finger at him. But Warren Beatty has claimed that he's the real subject several times, which pretty much seals the deal: after all, Carly does point out that the target of her ire is so monumentally vain as to think the song about him. Pretty conclusive. [Rating: *****]

A gift!

Today is the anniversary of the eruption of Vesuvius, 1928 years ago. It's also the date of an alarming number of massacres and bloody battles and other events which resulted in the painful deaths of many, many people.

Coincidentally (?), it's also René's birthday. Happy birthday to you, sir.

In keeping with what has been an awesome week -- new Rock Band songs, good times hanging out with my sister, fun Hunter game, tonight's Wii-related festivities, and the news that Steve is going to be the father of two children (twins, I mean -- it's not a Maury Povich situation) -- I will provide for all (four) of my dedicated readers a gift: the first complete short story I've written in, swear to the Prophets, three years.

This isn't the Revolver short story I was talking about -- that's probably not going to end up getting finished, for reasons I don't feel like explaining at the moment. This is, instead, a complete diversion from style for me -- it's a medieval fantasy story, which I almost never, ever write (and, in fact, barely ever read). Don't ask me why, the story just came to me that way. The tone is also different from the way I usually write, but it seemed to fit the tale I was telling.

The basic idea has been kicking around in my head for almost two years, but it never went anywhere until last week, when I was reminded of something René told me once -- it clicked, and the story as you read came to me in an instant, a fully complete thing. So I suppose I should offer thanks and, perhaps, dedicate said story to you, René -- fittingly, it's about a megalomaniacal dictator.

Enough blathering from me -- if you'd like to read "The Storyteller, the Dragon, and the Great Decree," you may do so by following this hyperlink:

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dgbq6j8_11mxfzz

Yay for Google Documents!

(If you like to leave comments on the story, you can do so on this posts. Or you can just e-mail me.)

WHOOO!!!

They've announced more tracks for Rock Band! And I'm dizzy with excitement! I can't stop using exclamation points!

• "Creep," Radiohead!
• "Cherub Rock," Smashing Pumpkins!
• "Are You Gonna Be My Girl," Jet!!
• "Sabotage," Beastie Boys!!!
  
• "Epic," Faith No More!!!!
• "Gimme Shelter," The Rolling Stones!!!!!

Joy! Joy joy!

I would advise against standing between me and a copy of this game.

Hey, no more exclamation points!

(Oops.)