Tuesday, February 06, 2007

That was fast

Madame Rowling announced just days ago the title and publication date of the seventh and supposedly final Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And yet, already, look at this Wikipedia page! I especially dig the endless list of completely speculative "Known plot details." Nice work, guys.

Yes, I'm excited, too. Yes, it's this generation's Return of the Jedi. But come on. At least wait until there's a little more hardcore knowledge before we start wildly speculating. Okay?

Oh, and there's no way she's going to kill off Harry. Snape is going to eat it. So is Ron. Ginny Weasley will turn heel and kill him. And she'll try to kill Hermione and Harry, too, but Harry will be forced to kill her. And he'll cry, 'cause he's a wuss. And an idiot. Oh, and it'll all end when Harry and Hermione lead the charge on Lord Voldemort at a massive battle at Pelennor Fields. With Ewoks!

Here's one perfectly serious prediction: the diehard Potter fans will loathe the book. It won't end the way they want, the characters they want to die will live, the characters they want to live will die, the right couples won't end up together, and they'll hate it and bitch about it for years. There is no way the book can live up to expectation. None.

But then…Stephen King did end the Dark Tower series perfectly. Hmm. She's got an outside shot.

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