Wednesday, November 05, 2003

The Matrix Ruinations

Oh no. No. Dear god, no.

This can't be. I mean, it was a dream, right? Surely, that's it. Yeah. Of course. The movie I saw doesn't really exist. Only a hallucination brought on by too much Dr Pepper and not enough sleep. Obviously.

I mean, really, let's be honest here: there's no way that the version of The Matrix Revolutions I saw this morning was the real thing. Couldn't be. Because that movie was a horrible piece of garbage (and that was during its better moments), a sure-fire DUD, and a serious challenger to Jeepers Creepers 2 and Underworld in the Worst Picture of the Year race.

Last night, a friend of mine suggested that the conclusion of the film would be Bill and Ted waking up from their horrible nightmare. "Whoa, Ted..." That would have been a better idea, Wachowskis. And as if your bloated sense of self-importance weren't obvious enough, that grand, epic score during the end credits was fucking awful. What happened to the Rage Against the Machine songs? That worked well in the first two. But then, since you decided to diregard everything else (and I do mean EVERYTHING else) that worked about the first two, I shouldn't be surprised by your music choices.

And I KNOW you weren't hinting at a sequel (or sequels) in that last scene, right? That was just the tail-end of your mythology's flame-out, right? Better be.

The Matrix Revolutions is the worst cliffhanger resolution since they revealed that an entire season of Dallas was all a dream. And a dream is what I'm banking on. Hoping for.

You can chime in with your two cents over on the left there. Feel free.

This time nobody goes home.

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