Sunday, July 06, 2003

The world is an enormous crock of shit and I hate everyone

Just some random hatred tonight, folks.

1) People on the internet who TyPe LiKe THiS, mAkINg iT FuCkInG IMpoSsIbLe tO REaD. You are not cute. Cut it out.

2) The word "jalapeno" is pronounced "ha-la-pain-yo." Not "halla-pee-no." Or "ha-la-pay-no." Or "halla-pain-ya." Or "hal-a-pee-na." Or anything else. Say it together now: "ha-la-pain-yo." There you go.

3) On a related note, the word "extra" does not have a "y" in it anywhere. So please explain to me what the hell makes some people pronounce it "x-tree." Stop that!

4) When someone reverses their position on something, they do not do a 360, they do a 180. A 360 is a complete circle. If they did a 360, they'd end up where they started. So do a 180 on this 360 crap.

5) If you ever find yourself in a politcal discussion with someone who occupies the right side of the political spectrum, heed this advice: when, in response to a criticism of a Republican official (especially Fearless Leader himself), the conservative brings up Bill Clinton's sexual escapades, that is the point where you can stop taking them seriously. Everything intelligent, interesting, or even relevant that they had to bring to the conversation has now been said, and they're running purely on inertia. Bringing Clinton's penis into a discussion that way is the political equivalent of "Yeah, well, at least my mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!"

6) If someone likes a song/band/movie/sports franchise that you yourself don't care for, this does not make them "stupid," "gay," or "fucking retarded." While they may be any and all of those things, coming to this conclusion based solely on the fact that they cheer for the San Diego Padres is, perhaps, a bit hasty.

7) Guys: put a fucking shirt on. Seriously. I don't know what the purpose is here -- maybe you think that if all the men take off their shirts, women will think that's what they're supposed to do and follow suit. I don't know, and I don't care.

8) And for god's sakes -- tip the pizza man, you cheap bastard!

That is all.

I've worked too hard for my illusions just to throw them all away...

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